The Dynasty Aftermath: Better Off Dead
Welcome to DLF’s Dynasty Aftermath. This staple article is our longest running signature piece as we have a little fun after a tough week at the Dynasty League Football office. You’ll find this article will review the week’s happenings in a variety of ways and help set you up for the coming weeks as we spin around the league in the way we know best. As you know, this year I’m covering movies I loved growing up and tying them into fantasy football.
This week, we focus on a little known movie called Better off Dead. Â This classic was the inspiration behind my own 1967 Chevy Camaro and all too familiar to league owners who have trouble getting their league dues. Whenever I hear of this problem, I always picture cinema’s all-time greatest paperboy.
Week Fifteen Fantasy MVP
Remember last year when many dynasty owners started looking at Todd Gurley as a a bit of bust? It was hard to blame them too much as he only posted 885 rushing yards and scored just six touchdowns all season, en route to averaging just 3.2 yards per carry for an anemic Rams offense. Well, Gurley is a leading candidate for Comeback Player of the Year this season and he showed just why in a dominant effort in Seattle that featured 152 rushing yards, three catches, 28 receiving yards and a grand total of four touchdowns, a feat no position player had accomplished since 2015. In amazing fashion, he actually made the Seahawks look like they quit at home. Gurley won lots of playoff games for owners and could have won many of those almost single-handedly. While lots of owners love to build around receivers, there’s still something magical about having a running back who can erupt for monster games like this.
Week Fifteen Fantasy LVP
Over the past decade, Jimmy Graham has been one of fantasy football’s truly elite players. Over the past two weeks, he has one catch, -1 receiving yard and one tackle. This is certainly not the two-week stretch fantasy owners needed from Graham, who had seemingly found his old ways in the Seahawks offense by scoring nine touchdowns, Unfortunately, he’s looking like an ultra-risky start moving forward.
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Lineup Fun
The Unbeatable Lineup of the Week
QBÂ Cam Newton CARÂ = 242 passing yards, 58 rushing yards, four touchdowns
RB Todd Gurley LAR Â = 152 rushing yards, three catches, 28 receiving yards, four touchdowns
RB Kareem Hunt KCÂ = 155 rushing yards, seven catches, 51 receiving yards, two touchdowns
RBÂ Mark Ingram NOÂ = 74 rushing yards, five receptions, 77 receiving yards, two touchdowns
WR Sterling Shepard NYGÂ = 11 catches, 139 receiving yards, one touchdown
WRÂ Michael Thomas NOÂ = Nine catches, 93 receiving yards, one touchdown
WR Michael Crabtree OAKÂ = Seven catches, 39 receiving yards, two touchdowns
TE Rob Gronkowski NEÂ = Nine catches, 168 receiving yards, 2PT conversion catch
The Underdog Lineup of the Week
QB Nick Foles PHIÂ = 237 passing yards, four touchdowns
RBÂ Kenyan Drake MIAÂ = 78 rushing yards, six catches, 35 receiving yards, one touchdown
RB Jerick McKinnon MINÂ = 24 rushing yards, seven receptions, 114 receiving yards
RBÂ Elijah McGuire NYJÂ = 24 rushing yards, three catches, 48 receiving yards, one touchdown
WR Keelan Cole JAX =Â Seven receptions, 186 receiving yards, one touchdown
WRÂ Jaydon Mickens JAXÂ = Four receptions, 61 receiving yards, two touchdowns
WRÂ Tavares King NYGÂ = Two receptions, 70 receiving yards, two touchdowns
TE Richard Rodgers GB = Four catches, 77 receiving yards, one touchdown
The Disappointing Lineup of the Week
QB Andy Dalton CINÂ = 113 passing yards, two interceptions
RB Marlon Mack IND =Â 14 rushing yards
RB LeGarrette Blount PHIÂ = 21 rushing yards
RB Jamaal Williams GB = 30 rushing yards
WR Doug Baldwin SEA = One catch, seven receiving yards
WR Josh Doctson WAS =Â One catch, -14 receiving yards, 16 rushing yards
WR Corey Coleman CLE = One catch, 16 receiving yards
TEÂ Jimmy Graham SEA =Â One catch, -1 receiving yard
Gut Checks
I’d be worried if I owned Doug Martin in my dynasty league. Outside of some great stretches, he’s been a bit of a bust.
I’d be worried if I had Demaryius Thomas
I’d be worried if I hadn’t already made my off-season wish list.
I’d be worried if I owed my paperboy two dollars.
I’d be worried if I was relying on Doug Baldwin.
I’d be worried if I was ignoring Blake Bortles’ resurgence.
I’d be worried if I didn’t love a singing hamburger.
I’d be worried if I was ignoring a pretty solid season from Elijah McGuire.
I’d be worried if I was still holding on to too much hope for Joe Williams.
I’d be worried if I was starting Kelvin Benjamin in the playoffs.
I’d be worried if I found myself at an intersection next to a guy who thinks he’s Howard Cosell.
I’d be worried if I thought I had the New England running game figured out with Rex Burkhead out. You don’t.
I’d be worried if I was still ignoring Marquise Goodwin.
I’d be worried if I owned Derek Carr. He hasn’t looked right all year.
I’d be worried if I was expecting consistency from Jamison Crowder.
I’d be worried if I didn’t have enough depth behind Antonio Brown. Bad timing to miss a week, just like OBJ did last season.
I’d be worried if I really tried to figure the street value of an entire mountain.
Ten Things I hated about STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI
WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE MOVIE
I had a few people ask me what I thought of the new STAR WARS movie after this column was posted last week and it pains me to no end to say I was horribly disappointed, to the point where it actually hurt. Here are ten things I absolutely despised about the movie. If you haven’t watched it, please stop reading as this will most certainly ruin some of the movie. You deserve to go to the theater and have it be ruined by natural causes.
1.) The return of the lightsaber to Luke should have been a dramatic part of the movie. Instead, it’s tossed over his shoulder like Rey found a five day old Twinkie that was submerged in water and handed it to him. They simply tried to be too funny here and I wasn’t laughing. Bad start, gang.
2.) The chase scene with the starships was ridiculous. We’re going to follow them until they run out of gas! Â Really!?! This whole thing reminded me of the scene from Seinfeld below:
3.) When Luke gets hungry on the island where he goes to basically die, he has little problem finding food because he can literally milk other animals and catch 200 pound tuna fish with a spear. Seriously? Â All he needed was a volleyball named Wilson and the scene would have been complete. Besides, if he really wanted to die, wouldn’t he really have the power to do that?
4.) Luke was on the most difficult place in the galaxy to find, yet he was far from alone. In fact, he had about 100 Porgs, an animal to milk, giant fish and some caretakers who looked like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The turtles even had clothes. Is there a GAP on the other side of the most uninhabited island in the galaxy?
5.) Rey’s parents are essentially nobody. Nice. I’m surprised they just didn’t make her the strange offspring of a Porg and a Tuna Fish.
6.) Leia shows no real force ability until she is on the verge of death, then she can actually fly though space. It was totally ridiculous and that was the point where I seriously almost left the theater. I expected her to reach the bridge of the ship, then smoke a few cigarettes and maybe milk something if she was thirsty. I mean, seriously, she goes from near death to flying, then the whole thing put her into a coma? It came close to doing that to me as well.
7.) They’ve made Kylo Ren into Nellie Oleson from Little House on the Prairie. I swear this is the the inspiration behind his character at this point:
8.) Everyone in the world needs to remember to save the animals. You really do because you never know when you may need to mount one and ride through casinos in a scene completely unnecessary to the movie.
9.) We have no idea where Snoke came from but simply know he’s really, really bad. I think this is actually his origin.
10.) Luke Skywalker is the most powerful Jedi in history and he basically attempts to train Rey in about ten minutes, then promptly dies by spending so much energy creating his own hologram. If he really wanted to die, he should have teleported himself into a theater to watch this hot mess. Even Mark Hamill knew it was a mistake.
Other than that, it was great. Thanks, Rian Johnson.
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Ken is on Twitter at DLF_KenK
