The Dynasty Aftermath: My Dream About Jerry Jones

Editor’s Note: The fantasy football community lost a great person last week when Mike Tagliere of FantasyPros passed away from COVID-19, despite being fully vaccinated against the disease. His shocking and sudden passing has left a huge void behind the scenes in the industry and he leaves behind a beautiful family, including Tabbie (Mike’s wife) and their children, Alyssa (18) and Jonathan (4). Many have rallied to support the Tagliere family and there’s a GoFundMe account set up to do just that. If any of you feel the calling to give, there are few people better to support than “Tags.”  He will be missed!

Welcome to DLF’s Dynasty Aftermath. This staple article is our longest running signature piece as we have a little fun after a tough week at the Dynasty League Football office. You’ll find this article will review the week’s happenings in a variety of ways and help set you up for the coming weeks as we spin around the league in the way we know best. Expect it each and every week.

I’ve written this column for over fifteen years and I really do enjoy it. I love combing through the stats of the week, putting together ridiculous lineups, picking MVPs/LVPs and discussing things to worry about.

That’s not all.

I also really love sharing little bits of my life with the community of DLF and picking a theme for this column each week. You really never know what you’re going to get. This year, the plan was to focus all my energy on bringing you stories from my childhood. Each one of these will be true, though I may change names from time-to-time to protect the innocent, but mostly guilty.

However, something has changed again.

There are three simple facts you need to know about me and they are as follows:

1.) I like to rewind the TV and replay Arby’s commercials to imagine it’s always Darth Vader talking about roast beef. Try it below and picture Vader presenting fish sandwiches to Emperor Palpatine.

2.) I tend to have really vivid dreams.
3.) I have no shame.

When I went to bed on Monday night, I had no idea what was going to happen. In the end, I will never look at Jerry Jones the same way.  You see, I’m one of those people who tend to stay busy all the time. I have a day job, help run this site, coach basketball, have a family, etc. I never really stop and my mind tends to go all the time. I think that may be why I tend to have these really vivid and crazy dreams, then tend to remember them when I wake up. My mind just never really shuts off. This time, I woke up and thought, “Oh boy, this one I may need to share.”

My dream started at a dinner party with Jerry Jones at Burger King. It was a fairly normal party with lots of people I didn’t recognize. There were whoppers, chicken nuggets, french fries and an all you can drink shake bar. There was also prime rib available, complete with a personal meat carver guy, which certainly seemed odd as Burger King has no prime rib or meat carver I’ve ever seen.

About halfway through the dinner, Jerry Jones had what I can only describe as a “medical episode.” It wasn’t a heart attack or a stroke, he just somehow lost all ability to move as if his bones were removed. I started shouting for help and nobody came. Jerry had become Jello Jones and that’s really the only way I can describe it. He couldn’t move, speak or communicate, he could only drool.

The next thing I remember, I was carrying limpy gelatin Jerry Jones into the hospital. They refused to give him care because the hospital was full. When I told them it was Jerry Freakin’ Jones of the Cowboys, they looked at him, then accused me of being a liar because it was Norman Fell from the 80s show Three’s Company. Seriously.  What!?!

The nurse came back to me and told me they couldn’t help Jerry until 2:00 AM, but there was a secret tunnel to another hospital. I picked up Jello Jones, threw him over my back and started walking through the tunnel that was all of a sudden packed with people. Nobody was moving at all and we were stuck.

Now it gets weird (as if it wasn’t before).

I felt a strange vibration and realized Jerry had gas. He let them rip about three or four times. I felt the rumble on my back, but Jerry couldn’t talk. I felt like he was trying to communicate through his flatulence and it worked. Jerry cleared the crowd and give me a clear path through to the hospital (this makes me wonder if I was doing this in my sleep, but I can verify my shorts were indeed clean the next morning). Once I got farting Jerry Jones to the other side of the tunnel, I laid him down while I checked him in. When I looked back, he had turned into what I can only describe as a partial human being that looked a lot like Donovan did after drinking from the wrong holy grail in Indiana Jones.

My wife (she’s a nurse) then showed up and attempted to resuscitate Jerry. After a few chest compressions, he shot up from the floor, somehow able to walk again. Only now, Jerry was green and looked like one of those beings from the movie Mars Attacks. He had glass over his head and was around eight feet tall as well.

The weird alien Jerry Jones thanked my wife for saving him, then started on his way out of the hospital singing the song, “Mighty Wings” from Top Gun.

I then woke up. When I did, I sat up and wrote this all down so I wouldn’t forget any details. In short, I will always see Jerry in the press box eating something and wondering if that’s going to give him gas. Let’s unwrap this in a couple of ways.

Things I Get

1.) Jerry Jones was in my dream because I went to bed right after the Cowboys played.
2.) Hospitals are full for obvious reasons, so that makes sense.
3.) I have a weird infatuation for 80s shows and movies, so check mark there.
4.) I had an oversized Italian sub and some IPAs before bed, which likely explains a lot. It may explain everything, in fact.

Things I Don’t Get

1.) I haven’t thought about Norman Fell in decades.
2.) Does my wife really have that kind of resuscitation power?
3.) Did I have gas in the middle of the night? More importantly, if you pass gas while having a dream about a limp and farting Jerry Jones and nobody hears it, did you really have gas at all?

As always, I try to make everything about fantasy football, so how does this actually translate to this week. Impossible, you say? Nope. Easy. Even if you think there’s no hope for your team, it’s still early enough for it to be resuscitated.

On to week three….

Fantasy MVP of the Week

You have to love those fifth year contract season breakouts. For owners who have shown an incredible amount of patience and held on to the oft-injured and inconsistent Mike Williams (you are unbelievable if that’s you), you’ve been rewarded with a healthy and seemingly consistent version of the former Clemson star. This week, he posted seven more catches for 122 receiving yards and two touchdowns. On the season, Williams now has 22 catches for 295 yards and four touchdowns, finally looking like the player we had always thought was somehow there. His emergence is the surprise of the season and he looks to be a key on a lot of winning teams. From this point forward, he’s now friggin’ Mike Williams to me as I was clearly not one of those patient owners in quite a few leagues.

Fantasy LVP of the Week

As always, there are a ton of candidates for this week’s designation. I’m going to go with Ty’Son Williams, who has fallen into a disappointing running back committee that really has no collective or individual value. This week, Williams was only able to gain 22 yards and failed to record a catch. The Ravens are content with letting Lamar Jackson soak up their rushing yards and he’s siphoned most of the value from this running back corps. While there could (and should) be better days ahead for Ty’Son, this was a mess.

The Unbeatable Lineup of the Week

QB Josh Allen BUF = 358 passing yards, nine rushing yards, five touchdowns
RB Najee Harris PIT = 40 rushing yards, 14 catches, 102 receiving yards
RB Ezekiel Elliott DAL = 95 rushing yards, three catches, 21 receiving yards, two touchdowns
RB D’Andre Swift DET = 47 rushing yards, seven catches, 60 receiving yards, one touchdown
WR Friggin’ Mike Williams LAC = Seven catches, 122 receiving yards, two touchdowns
WR Davante Adams GB = 12 catches, 132 receiving yards, one touchdown
WR Cooper Kupp LAR = Nine catches, 96 receiving yards, two touchdowns
TE Mike Gesicki MIA = Ten catches, 86 receiving yards

The Underdog Lineup of the Week

QB Kirk Cousins MIN = 323 passing yards, three touchdowns
RB Kareem Hunt CLE = 80 rushing yards, six catches, 74 receiving yards, one touchdown
RB James Robinson JAX = 88 rushing yards, six catches, 46 receiving yards, one touchdown
RB Peyton Barber LV = 111 rushing yards, three catches, 31 receiving yards, one touchdown
WR Emmanuel Sanders BUF = Five catches, 94 receiving yards, two touchdowns
WR Kendrick Bourne NE = Six catches, 96 receiving yards, one touchdown
WR DeSean Jackson LAR = Three catches, 120 receiving yards, one touchdown
TE Dalton Schultz DAL = Five catches, 80 receiving yards, two touchdowns

The Disappointing Lineup of the Week

QB Justin Fields CHI = 68 passing yards, 12 rushing yards
RB Ronald Jones TB = 11 rushing yards
RB Ty’Son Williams BAL = 22 rushing yards
RB Mark Ingram HOU = 21 rushing yards, one catch, -1 receiving yard
WR AJ Brown TEN = One catch, three receiving yards
WR Quintez Cephus DET= One catch, eight receiving yards
WR Robby Anderson CAR =One catch, eight receiving yards
TE Juwan Johnson NO = No catches

Gut Checks

I’d be worried if I drafted Trey Sermon.

I’d be worried if I was relying on any Eagles runner.  Seriously? Three total carries?

I’d be worried if I needed points from any Steeler other than Najee Harris.

I’d be worried if I was still putting Ty’Son Williams in my lineup.

I’d be worried if I wasn’t trying to acquire Michael Gallup on the cheap.

I’d be worried if I was relying on Michael Carter.

I’d be worried if I thought I had the Broncos, Texans, 49ers or Patriots running back situations even close to figured out. They don’t, so how can you?

I’d be worried if I was getting down on DeVonta Smith.

I’d be worried if I thought there were going to be tons more of those performances from AJ Green.

I’d be worried if I had Kenyan Drake. Seriously!?! Peyton Barber!?!

I’d be worried if I had Julio Jones. They took him out for “load management?”  Were they playing the Pelicans?

I’d be worried if I wasn’t looking to buy Calvin Ridley. Yes, it’s bad right now. Think long-term, though.

I’d be worried if I was relying on Robert Tonyan.

I’d be worried if I was underestimating the power of Brandin Cooks.

I’d be worried if I thought Jameis Winston was going to be anything other than Jameis Winston.

I’d be worried if I was giving up on Bryan Edwards.

I’d be worried if I was Matt Nagy.

I’d be worried if I didn’t think Derek Carr was a viable option.

I’d be worried if I had given up on Henry Ruggs.

I’d be worried if I had Robert Woods. C’mon, Matt. Spread the love!

I’d be worried if I had Kadarius Toney.

I’d be worried if I didn’t think Jaylen Waddle was already a weapon in PPR leagues.

I’d be worried if I was relying on Mike Davis. This was predictable.

I’d be worried if I had Christian McCafffrey.  It’s just adding up a little now.

I’d be worried if I hadn’t noticed the consistency of Marvin Jones. He’s on his 164th team and still putting up double digits every week.

I’d be worried if I was starting Trevor Lawrence. He’s quickly learning playing in the NFL is tougher than playing NC State.

I’d be worried if I had any Chicago Bear.

I’d be worried if I needed AJ Brown the next few weeks.

I’d be worried if I passed on Ja’Marr Chase.

I’d be worried if I didn’t notice the 31 targets already for DJ Moore.

I’d be worried if I thought this was the year Derrick Henry slows down.

I’d be worried if I didn’t notice the 24 targets for Michael Pittman.

I’d be worried if I had Kenyan Drake. Why even sign him?

I’d be worried if I was ignoring Dalton Schultz.

I’d be worried if I had Antonio Gibson. Take away that big play and it’s a mess.

I’d be worried if I was expecting consistency from Rondale Moore.

I’d be worried if I was starting Laviska Shenault.

I’d be worried if I was starting Damien Harris. Belichick gets us again.

I’d be worried if I had Jalen Hurts. It’s almost like they’re daring him to fail.

I’d be worried if I didn’t think Cooper Kupp could finish as the WR1.

I’d be worried if I thought Ezekiel Elliott was somehow out of the woods.

I’d be worried if I had Evan Engram. He just doesn’t look right.

I’d be worried if I wasn’t trying to secure Melvin Gordon if I had Javonte Williams. One injury and either of those two would be an RB1.

I’d be worried if I had Jonathan Taylor. His carries have gone down each week and Nyheim Hines is siphoning off touches.

I’d be worried if I drafted Zach Wilson. The Jets are finding creative ways to be the laughing stock of the league and may just ruin him, too.

The Top 20 Rookie Scoring Averages

1.) Ja’Marr Chase WR CIN = 19.00 (+1.75)
2.) Najee Harris RB PIT = 17.73 (+5.23)
3.) Trevor Lawrence QB JAX = 17.08 (-0.72)
4.) Jaylen Waddle WR MIA = 14.90 (+1.45)
5.) Mac Jones QB NE = 14.88 (+1.20)
6.) Rondale Moore WR ARI = 12.53 (-5.07)
7.) Zach Wilson QB NYJ = 12.17 (-2.98)
8.) Elijah Mitchell RB SF = 11.85  (DNP)
9.) Davis Mills QB HOU = 10.25 (+2.15)
10.) Javonte Williams RB DEN = 9.70 (+2.75)
11.) DeVonta Smith WR PHI = 9.50 (-1.85)
12.) Kenneth Gainwell RB PHI = 8.63 (-1.22)
13.) Kyle Pitts TE ATL = 8.30 (-1.40)
14.) Pat Freiermuth TE PIT = 7.40 (+1.90)
15.) Terrace Marshall WR CAR = 6.37 (+1.22)
16.) Michael Carter RB NYJ = 6.23 (-0.67)
17.) Trey Sermon RB SF = 6.10 (+5.30)
18.) Justin Fields QB CHI = 5.50 (-0.45)
19.) Demetric Felton RB CLE = 5.47 (-1.08)
20.) Trey Lance QB SF = 5.28 (+0.83)

Notable players not in the top 20: Elijah Moore, Chuba Hubbard, Anthony Schwartz, D’Wayne Eskeridge, Tommy Tremble, Nico Collins, Dyami Brown, Chris Evans, Mike Strachan, Kadarius Toney.

The Rookie Top 20

Always check our latest rankings to see the updates through the week. I take these from the rankers who input their information the quickest after the end of the week.

1.) Ja’Marr Chase WR CIN (Four catches, 65 receiving yards, two touchdowns) (Last week: 1)
Four touchdowns in three games. This is fun!

2.) Najee Harris RB PIT (40 rushing yards, 14 catches, 102 receiving yards) (Last week: 2)
He set the rookie running back record for targets and catches. Big Ben seems to have a passing range of about eight yards, so this could be great.

3.) Jaylen Waddle WR MIA (Twelve catches, 58 receiving yards) (Last week: 5)
He’s piling up catches now.

4.) Kyle Pitts TE ATL (Two catches, 35 receiving yards) (Last week: 3)
My concern-o-meter is at about a two of ten. However, just to make your stomach hurt….

Kyle Pitts = TE1, ADP 22, 8.30ppg
Pat Freiermuth = TE17, ADP 152, 7.40ppg

5.) DeVonta Smith WR PHI (Three catches, 28 receiving yards) (Last week: 4)
Quiet outside of his week one performance.

6.) Javonte Williams RB DEN (29 rushing yards, three catches, 33 receiving yards) (Last week: 6)
He’s getting points late in games and it looks like Gordon is the preferred back. Yuck.

7.) Rondale Moore WR ARI (Two catches, one receiving yard) (Last week: 7)
Dude!?!  We were just starting to trust you.

8.) Travis Etienne RB JAX (Last week: 9)
Out for the season with an injury.

9.) Elijah Moore WR NYJ (Three catches, 22 receiving yards) (Last week: 8)
Managing three catches on the Jets is like having 35 with the Chiefs.

10.) Rashod Bateman WR BAL (Last week: 10)
DNP

11.) Terrace Marshall WR CAR (Four catches, 48 receiving yards) (Last week: 11)
Starting to look more comfortable.

12.) Trevor Lawrence QB JAX (22-of-34 passing, 219 passing yards, one touchdown, two interceptions, 27 rushing yards) (Last week: 12)
Starting to look less comfortable.

13.) Trey Lance QB SF (One rushing yard, one touchdown) (Last week: 13)
He’s still NEVER thrown a pass without it being a touchdown.

14.) Justin Fields QB CHI (6-of-20 passing, 68 passing yards, 12 rushing yards) (Last week: 14)
I’m now 100% sure he’s better than Andy Dalton, still 46% sure I’m better than Andy Dalton, and 5,000% sure they need a coaching change.

15.) Michael Carter RB NYJ (24 rushing yards, two catches, five receiving yards) (Last week: 15)
I think the Jets should just join the SEC. Everyone else is and they’d at least win some games.

16.) Mac Jones QB NE (30-of-51 passing, 270 passing yards, one touchdown, three interceptions) (Last week: 16)
His first step back. I’m sure it will be easier this week as Tom Brady will certainly take it easy on the Pats coming off a loss.  Heh.

17.) Kenneth Gainwell RB PHI (Two rushing yards, three catches, 32 receiving yards) (Last week: 17)
Despite his name, he’s not gaining well. In fact, he’s hardly gaining at all. Maybe he should be Kenneth Gainacouple.

18.) Elijah Mitchell, RB SF (Last week: 18)
DNP

19.) Kadarius Toney WR NYG (Two catches, 16 receiving yards) (Last week: 19)
I have no idea why the Giants drafted him, but injuries should open the door.

20.) Trey Sermon, RB SF (31 rushing yards, one touchdown, two catches, three receiving yards) (Last week: 20)
Welcome to the top 20! If you perform that way again, it might be a short stay.

Knocking on the door: Nico Collins, Dyami Brown, Amon-Ra St. Brown, Zach Wilson, Rhamondre Stevenson, Larry Rountree, Pat Freiermuth, Tylan Wallace, Amari Rodgers, Chuba Hubbard, Jaret Patterson and more.