The Dynasty Aftermath: Growing up in the 98609 (There’s Underwear all over the Road)

Welcome to DLF’s Dynasty Aftermath. This staple article is our longest running signature piece as we have a little fun after a tough week at the Dynasty League Football office. You’ll find this article will review the week’s happenings in a variety of ways and help set you up for the coming weeks as we spin around the league in the way we know best.

If you’ve read this column for any amount of time, you know I like sharing stories. This week brings me back to the ol’ 98609 for a story about the time my family moved. You see, I grew up in a double wide trailer out in the country. When I was 11, my parents bought seven acres of land to build a new house on. It was exciting for all of us.

At least at first.

You see, my Dad was legendary for insisting on doing everything himself. He believed in leading by example and having a strong work ethic as well. However, he never really let anyone do anything even relatively meaningful. For example, I had three very specific jobs growing up.

1.) Light Boy
This is the very unlucrative and glamourous task of holding the trouble light as he worked on our cars. I wasn’t able to actually turn a wrench, tighten a belt or even hand him anything. My job was illumination and by the end I was like a hollywood lighting technician. Sure, there were a few times where I’d lose focus and burn his hand with the 175 degree metal part on the back, but that just taught me new and exciting words to broaden my horizons.

2.) Limb Expert
For five long years, we had to clear out the trees on our own to build the house, have a three-acre lawn and make way for a driveway. Our jobs were simple. My Dad would cut down the trees, saw off the limbs and cut the trees up into logs for firewood. My job was to take all the limbs, drag them around 46 miles to our burn pile, then come back to split and stack the wood. There weren’t just a few trees, either. We’re talking hundreds of them. It was like clearing out Jumanji.

You’re probably sensing a theme here, eh? Yeah, these jobs weren’t exactly the fun ones.

3.) Lawnmower
My main job was to mow the lawn each week at our trailer house. My grandparents lived next door, so I’d mow theirs as well.  There were five sections and I was paid $3 a week. Three. Dollars. Oh, and we didn’t have one of those fancy lawnmowers that bagged your own grass. Nope, I had to rake it all, too. I can’t get my kids to go get the mail for $3 now.

So, as you can imagine, when we finally had the house built and packed up our stuff, there was only one way to do it – Dad’s way. At first, everything was placed in the two trucks meticulously. I mean, you couldn’t fit a twix bar in the bed of those things if you tried. However, as time went on and the trips to the new place started getting really old and time consuming, my Dad did one thing I thought I’d never see – he got careless. The ultimate perfectionist got careless.

On a bright Summer morning in 1992, we loaded up for one of the last trips to the new house. This was a furniture run featuring two chairs, one sofa and my Dad’s dresser. Everything was placed in the truck and we were ready to go. I then did the unthinkable and questioned the process by saying, “Dad, I know we don’t have far to go, but isn’t it possible those drawers could fall out?” At this point, I could tell just what Bill Kelly, Jr. was thinking – “What!?!  I’m being questioned by light boy?” He turned to me with a look of disgust and said, “Ken, I taped them shut. Don’t worry about it. Let’s go.” Off we went.

Now it turns awesome.

The main road into the 98609 is very straight and has few bumps, though it’s very busy with lots of traffic. Things were going swimmingly, as they always did. However, when we turned right to go up the new road, something almost magical happened – the tape just completely gave out and the drawer starting coming loose. I could see my Dad’s eyes get bigger and bigger as he saw what was happening and everything from that point I remember in slow motion. He tapped the brakes, but it was too late. Destiny had met Hanes. I can almost hear him say it in slow motion, “Ohhhhh nooooooo. Myyyyy underrrrrrrwearrrrrrrr.” Yep, the drawer went flying on to the road with my Dad’s tightie whities littering all of Old Pacific Hwy South. They flew in the air like flock of cotton white doves. He responded by saying *&%$. I responded by laughing as hard as I ever had in my life. Cars were running them over.  People were stopping to point and my Dad was scrambling all over the road to re-acquire his precious Hanes briefs. I never got out of the truck to help because I was literally afraid I was going to pee my pants. I didn’t care what the consequence would be. I was having the time of my life.

When all was cleaned up and he got back in the truck, he was clutching the steering wheel with one hand while holding holding a pair of his precious underwear with legitimate tire marks from a 1988 Pontiac in the other. He just looked at me and said, “Gee, Ken. Thanks for your help.” I could only respond in one way. I said, “Light boy was right for once. Sorry about the skid marks.” It’s one of my favorite memories of my Dad and we laughed about that for years after. May he rest in peace, with a loose waistband and hip hugging comfort.

So, what can we learn from that? Well, we just made it through “byemageddon.” If you lost, treat it like what it is – a skid mark on a long and winding road of a fantasy season.

Anyway, on to week seven!

Fantasy MVP of the Week

The amazing Cooper Kupp is on pace for 136 catches, 1,965 receiving yards and 21 touchdowns this year after posting his second consecutive game with at least 35 fantasy points with a 10/156/2 line in a romp against the Lions. He gets the Texans next. Best of luck to you, Houston. At this point, Kupp looks like the player most likely to be on championship rosters this season.

Fantasy LVP of the Week

Jets backup quarterback Mike White came in for an injured Zach Wilson and outscored Patrick Mahomes this week. Let that soak in for a second. Mahomes was brutal with 206 passing yards, 35 rushing yards, one interception and one lost fumble. The Chiefs are in dire straights and while Mahomes is still a QB1, I don’t think he’s a “no brainer” in your lineup if you have another top ten option.

The Flying Underwear (Unbeatable) Lineup of the Week

QB Tua Tagovailoa MIA = 291 passing yards, 29 rushing yards, four touchdowns
RB Alvin Kamara NO = 51 rushing yards, ten catches, 128 receiving yards, one touchdown
RB D’Andre Swift DET = 48 rushing yards, eight catches, 96 receiving yards, one touchdown
RB Damien Harris NE = 106 rushing yards, two catches, seven receiving yards, two touchdowns
WR Cooper Kupp LAR = Ten catches, 156 receiving yards, two touchdowns
WR Ja’Marr Chase CIN = Eight catches, 201 receiving yards, one touchdown
WR Mike Evans TB = Six catches, 76 receiving yards, three touchdowns
TE Kyle-Matt Pitts-Price ATL = Nine catches, 97 receiving yards, one touchdown

The Underdog Lineup of the Week

QB Mac Jones NE = 307 passing yards, 19 rushing yards, two touchdowns
RB D’Ernest Johnson CLE = 146 rushing yards, two catches, 22 receiving yards, one touchdown
RB Brandon Bolden NE = Six catches, 79 receiving yards, one touchdown
RB Myles Gaskin MIA = 67 rushing yards, four catches, ten receiving yards, one touchdown
WR Michael Pittman IND = Four catches, 105 receiving yards, one touchdown
WR Kendrick Bourne NE = Four catches, 68 receiving yards, 25 passing yards, one touchdown
WR Kalif Raymond DET = Six catches, 115 receiving yards
TE CJ Uzomah CIN = Three catches, 91 receiving yards, two touchdowns

The Skid Mark (Disappointing) Lineup of the Week

QB Patrick Mahomes KC = 206 passing yards, 35 rushing yards, two turnovers
RB Mike Davis ATL  = Ten rushing yards
RB Antonio Gibson WAS = 51 rushing yards, two catches, five receiving yards
RB Darrel Williams KC = 20 rushing yards, three catches, 30 receiving yards
WR Brandon Aiyuk SF = One catch, six receiving yards, three rushing yards
WR Odell Beckham CLE = Two catches, 23 receiving yards
WR Allen Robinson CHI = Two catches, 16 receiving yards
TE Mark Andrews BAL = Three catches, 48 receiving yards

Gut Checks

I’d be worried if I had Tua Tagovailoa. The Watson stuff is totally unfair to him, but it exists anyway.

I’d be worried if I was expecting consistency from Corey Davis.

I’d be worried if I had Tee Higgins. He’s clearly 1B now.

I’d be worried if I had Allen Robinson. He can’t even be in lineups right now.

I’d be worried if I was still holding out hope for Mike Davis.

I’d be worried if I thought any running back on the Ravens was part of their long-term future other than JK Dobbins.

I’d be worried if I thought tape was going to hold a drawer shut on a tight corner.

I’d be worried if I had Kenny Golladay. What a disappointment.

I’d be worried if I was still starting Brandon Aiyuk.

I’d be worried if I was still starting Julio Jones.

I’d be worried if I didn’t think Marlon Mack would have a new home soon.

I’d be worried if I was expecting anything from Tylan Wallace this season.

I’d be worried if I had missed my window to acquire Jerry Jeudy.

Ditto on AJ Brown.

I’d be worried if I was playing against Derrick Henry.

I’d be worried if I missed out on Ja’Marr Chase.

I’d be worried if I was counting on the same level of production from Michael Thomas when he returns.

I’d be worried if I was expecting anything from OBJ this season.

I’d be worried if I have never seen tightie whities in flight.

I’d be worried if I was ignoring the play of Courtland Sutton.

I’d be worried if I wasn’t at least looking at weekly lineup options if I had Patrick Mahomes.

I’d be worried if I wasn’t hoping for yet another change of scenery for Brandin Cooks.

I’d be worried if I thought Leonard Fournette‘s performance so far this season was a fluke.

I’d be worried if I was still starting Marquez Callaway.

I’d be worried if I had Sam Darnold.

I’d be worried if I thought anyone other than Elijah Mitchell was the 49ers back to own at the moment.

I’d be worried if I had Miles Sanders. This couldn’t have gone worse this season.

I’d be worried if I had George Kittle. His return will be one to watch.

I’d be worried if I was ignoring the play of Joe Burrow, even without Ja’Marr Chase.

I’d be worried if I thought Chase Edmonds or James Conner was going to be the starter in Arizona next season.

I’d be worried if I was selling low on Calvin Ridley.

I’d be worried if I wasn’t paying attention to Rashod Bateman.

I’d be worried if I needed Antonio Brown soon.

I’d be worried if I needed solid production from Alex Collins.

I’d be worried if I thought Cordarrelle Patterson was going to cool off.

I’d be worried if I didn’t love the fantasy floor of Hunter Renfrow.

I’d be worried if I wasn’t stashing Foster Moreau.

I’d be worried if I though Khalil Herbert was just going to go away any time soon.

I’d be worried if I was needing QB1 numbers from Jameis Winston. They don’t trust him.

I’d be worried if I needed production from Tyler Boyd.

I’d be worried if I was ignoring how good D’Andre Swift has been lately.

I’d be worried if I thought Damien Harris was out of the woods. I just don’t trust New England. Never will.

I’d be worried if I had Jalen Hurts. He’s a better fantasy player than real player – that’s tough to deal with.

I’d be worried if I was playing against Cooper Kupp.

I’d be worried if I was expecting consistency from Mike Evans or Amari Cooper. We’ve seen this for a long time.

I’d be worried if I needed short-term numbers from Tyler Lockett or DK Metcalf.

I’d be worried if I was needing WR1 production every week from DeAndre Hopkins.

Rookie Scoring Leaders
The averages themselves aren’t changing up and down too much now, so I’ll now add the change in ranking for anyone notable.

1.) Ja’Marr Chase WR CIN = 20.91
2.) Najee Harris RB PIT = 20.20
3.) Trevor Lawrence QB JAX = 19.59
4.) Mac Jones QB NE = 17.99
5.) Jaylen Waddle WR MIA = 14.37
6.) Kyle Pitts TE ATL = 14.02 (+2)
7.) Trey Lance QB SF = 12.50
8.)Elijah Mitchell RB SF = 12.15
9.)Zach Wilson QB NYJ = 11.97
10.) DeVonta Smith WR PHI = 11.51
11.) Davis Mills QB HOU = 11.04
12.) Javonte Williams RB DEN = 10.94
13.) Michael Carter RB NYJ = 10.45 (+3)
14.) Rondale Moore WR ARI = 9.76 (-3)
15.) Kenneth Gainwell RB PHI = 9.63 (+3)
16.) Kadarius Toney WR NYG = 9.28
17.) Chuba Hubbard RB CAR = 9.28
18.) Justin Fields QB CHI = 8.97
19.) Rashod Bateman WR BAL = 8.95
20.) Pat Freiermuth TE PIT = 6.63

Notable players not in the top 20: Amon-Ra St. Brown,  Trey Sermon, , Terrace Marshall, Tommy Tremble, Elijah Moore, Nico Collins, Dyami Brown, Anthony Schwartz, Rhamondre Stevenson.

The Rookie Top 20

Always check our latest rankings to see the updates through the week. I take these from the rankers who input their information the quickest after the end of the week.

TIER ONE

1.) Ja’Marr Chase WR CIN (Eight catches, 201 yards, one touchdown) (Last week: 1)
As I said on this week’s podcast, I don’t see player (not a rookie, but a player) who I’d take over Chase in a 1QB dynasty startup. His career trajectory is exactly what you hoped for.

2.) Kyle Pitts TE ATL (BYE) (Last week: 3)
I’ve been telling Matt Price all year that Pitts is the real deal. I love being right this early in his career.

3.) Najee Harris RB PIT (DNP) (Last week: 2)
If you had a top three pick, you couldn’t go wrong this season.

TIER TWO

4.) DeVonta Smith WR PHI (Five catches, 61 receiving yards) (Last week: 4)
He hasn’t scored since week one.

5.) Jaylen Waddle WR MIA (Seven catches, 83 receiving yards) (Last week:5)
Another seven catches puts him on pace for 107 this season. The yards per catch isn’t great, but he’s at least making it work.

TIER THREE

6.) Javonte Williams RB DEN (20 rushing yards, six catches, 32 receiving yards, one touchdown) (Last week: 6)
I don’t need to say it. At least he’s posted double digit scoring weeks in four of the last five.

7.) Rondale Moore WR ARI (Two catches, 17 receiving yards) (Last week: 7)
Zach Ertz could suck some short-term value from him.

8.) Travis Etienne RB JAX (Last week: 8)
Out

9.) Rashod Bateman WR BAL (Three catches, 80 receiving yards) (Last week: 9)
Looking solid thus far.

10.) Kadarius Toney WR NYG (DNP) (Last week: 10)
Grrr. Again.

TIER FOUR

11.) Trevor Lawrence QB JAX (DNP) (Last week: 11)
The Geno Smith vs. Trevor Lawrence game this upcoming week will not set any ratings records.

12.) Trey Lance QB SF (DNP) (Last week: 12)
Best thing for him is how bad Jimmy G looks.

13.) Justin Fields QB CHI (184 passing yards, three interceptions, 38 rushing yards, two fumbles) (Last week: 13)
I scored more points than he did this week with zero compared to -1.

14.) Elijah Moore WR NYJ (One catch, 13 receiving yards, 19 rushing yards, one touchdown)(Last week: 14)
It’s going to be hard to watch for a while.

TIER FIVE

15.) Terrace Marshall WR CAR (DNP) (Last week: 15)
Concussion held him out. Darnold holds him back.

16.) Kenneth Gainwell RB PHI (20 rushing yards, four catches, 41 receiving yards, one touchdown) (Last week: 16)
Solid bump with Sanders out, but will the Eagles run it at all?

17.) Michael Carter RB NYJ (37 rushing yards, eight catches, 67 receiving yards) (Last week: 17)
The catches were nice to see. Sadly, he led the Jets in rushing and receiving this week. Barry Sanders couldn’t overcome this mess in New York.

18.) Mac Jones QB NE (307 passing yards, two touchdowns, 19 rushing yards) (Last week: 18)
This was his best game of the year, but it doesn’t really count. See Jets, New York.

19.) Elijah Mitchell, RB SF (107 rushing yards, one touchdown) (Last week: 19)
Any questions on who they like the most in the backfield right now?

20.) Chuba Hubbard RB CAR (28 rushing yards, four catches, 28 receiving yards) (Last week: 20)
Meh. Again.

Knocking on the door: Trey Sermon, Nico Collins, Dyami Brown, Amon-Ra St. Brown, Rhamondre Stevenson, Larry Rountree, Pat Freiermuth, Tylan Wallace, Amari Rodgers, Jaret Patterson and more.

See you next week!