The Dynasty Aftermath: The Failed Careers of Taysom Hill

Since I feel like I’m a good parent, I occasionally talk my kids. This week’s conversation with my daughter went something like this…

Me, yelling at the television, “I hate you, why does this keep happening!”
My daughter, “What’s going on?
Me, “He’s killing Alvin Kamara!”
My daughter, “Are you watching Netflix murder documentaries again?”
Me, “No, I’m watching Sunday Ticket and I hate Taysom Hill.”
My daughter (wisely), “OK. I think I’ll leave you to it.”

Those are the kinds of conversations professional fathers tend to have. They are great for the development of young children.

Regardless, this was once again a week where Taysom Hill killed fantasy managers. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, take a look at his game log (courtesy of FantasyPros).

2022

2023

2024

It’s honestly maddening. Ten top-10 finishes over the past three seasons and 15 outside the top 20. There isn’t another career where someone could be this inconsistent. Just think about it…

If Taysom Hill was a surgeon, three out of four of his patients would die on the operating table, but he’d be good enough to give someone a third arm or bionic powers once a month.

If Taysom Hill was a lawyer, three out of four people would get the death penalty for traffic violations, but he could have easily defended the Menendez brothers.

If Taysom Hill was a contractor, his beds would look like the one built in Stepbrothers most days. However, once a month he’d be featured on “Flip this House” as he takes an old school bus and turns into a Beverly Hills Mansion.

If Taysom Hill was a stock market investor, he would have single-handedly torched 401Ks with stocks of Enron and Game Stop, but also happen to meet a young Jeff Bezos on an elevator and buy in to what he was selling for a handful of investors.

Anyway. Add your own Taysom Hill career comparisons to the bottom. I’m mad again and need to write now. I also need to finish the Menendez brothers documentary, so let’s get going.

Fantasy MVP of the Week

Well, it seems the Ravens have figured out how to use Derrick Henry. After a very average (for him) first couple of weeks, he’s now posted 49 carries for 350 yards and four total touchdowns the past two weeks, including this week’s monster performance that featured 199 rushing yards as he literally ran over the Bills. Henry is 30, but you shouldn’t care. Teams should spend the week of practice preparing for him by tackling Honda Civics that are traveling 20 miles an hour at them.

Fantasy LVP of the Week

Where have you gone, Kyle Pitts? In four games this year, Pitts has just eight catches for 105 yards and one touchdown. This week, he had the same number of catches you did with zero. I was personally hoping a new coaching staff would actually utilize the best players Atlanta has on offense, but apparently there’s some kind of rule in the NFL precluding the Falcons to do this. Here are some tight ends who are averaging more fantasy points that Pitts this season – Hunter Henry, Mike Gesicki, Tucker Kraft, Isaiah Likely, Zach Ertz, and, yep, Taysom Freaking Hill.

The Unbeatable Lineup of the Week

QB Jordan Love GB = 389 passing yards, four touchdowns, three interceptions
RB Derrick Henry BAL = 199 rushing yards, three catches, ten receiving yards, two touchdowns
RB Kenneth Walker SEA = 80 rushing yards, four catches, 36 receiving yards, three touchdowns
RB Alvin Kamara NO = 77 rushing yards, seven catches, 42 receiving yards, one touchdown
WR Nico Collins HOU = 12 catches, 151 receiving yards, one touchdown
WR Jayden Reed GB = Seven catches, 139 receiving yards, one touchdown
WR CeeDee Lamb DAL = Seven catches, 98 receiving yards, one touchdown
TE Pat Freiermuth PIT = Five catches, 57 receiving yards, one touchdown

The Underdog Lineup of the Week

QB Justin Fields PIT = 312 passing yards, 55 rushing yards, three touchdowns
RB D’Andre Swift CHI = 93 rushing yards, seven catches, 72 receiving yards, one touchdown
RB Chase Brown CIN = 80 rushing yards, two catches, 12 receiving yards, two touchdowns
RB Justice Hill BAL = 18 rushing yards, six catches, 78 receiving yards, one touchdown
WR Dontayvion Wicks GB = Five catches, 78 receiving yards, two touchdowns
WR Jordan Addison MIN = Three catches, 72 receiving yards, seven rushing yards, two touchdowns
WR Josh Downs IND = Eight catches, 82 receiving yards, one touchdown
TE Tucker Kraft GB = Six catches, 53 receiving yards, one touchdown

The Disappointing Lineup of the Week

QB Matthew Stafford LAR = 224 passing yards, one interception
RB Gus Edwards LAC = 19 rushing yards
RB Zamir White LV = 50 rushing yards
RB Breece Hall NYJ = Four rushing yards, two catches, 14 receiving yards
WR Christian Watson GB = No catches
WR Rashee Rice KC = No catches
WR Gabe Davis JAX = No catches
TE Kyle Pitts ATL = No catches

The Most Hated Lineup of the Week

QB Taysom Hill NO = 24 rushing yards, two touchdowns
RB Taysom Hill NO = 24 rushing yards, two touchdowns
RB Taysom Hill NO = 24 rushing yards, two touchdowns
RB Taysom Hill NO = 24 rushing yards, two touchdowns
WR Taysom Hill NO = 24 rushing yards, two touchdowns
WR Taysom Hill NO = 24 rushing yards, two touchdowns
WR Taysom Hill NO = 24 rushing yards, two touchdowns
TE Taysom Hill NO = 24 rushing yards, two touchdowns

Gut Checks

I’d be worried if I needed Rashee Rice the rest of the season.

I’d be worried if I was relying on Jalen Hurts. Something is seriously wrong here.

I’d be worried if I thought James Conner couldn’t keep this up.

I’d be worried if I forgot about Nick Chubb.

I’d be worried if I was still undervaluing Nico Collins.

I’d be worried if I was all of a sudden out on Breece Hall.

I’d be worried if I was needing any Dolphins player right now.

I’d be worried if I was ignoring the play of Brian Robinson.

I’d be worried if I thought Kyler Murray was done being a factor.

I’d be worried if I didn’t think Bucky Irving was the best option in Tampa Bay.

I’d be worried if I was counting on Christian McCaffrey. This doesn’t look right.

I’d be worried if I thought I had the Cincy backfield figured out.

I’d be worried if I needed Brandin Cooks any time soon.

I’d be worried if I thought DeAndre Hopkins didn’t need another trade.

I’d be worried if I was ignoring some relative consistency from Jerry Jeudy.

I’d be worried if I took Caleb Williams over Jayden Daniels. It’s not too early to say it.

I’d be worried if I thought anyone other than Jayden Reed was the number one target in Green Bay.

I’d be worried if I thought I didn’t try to find a way to include DT Jayden Peevy right now.

I’d be worried if I needed consistency from Zay Flowers.

I’d be worried if I thought Devin Singletary was going to be a good option.

I’d be worried if I wasn’t thinking Chuba Hubbard was right now.

I’d be worried if I missed out on the buying window on DK Metcalf.

I’d be worried if I missed out on the selling window for Travis Etienne.

I’d be worried if I wasn’t trying to sell D’Andre Swift this week. Hard.

I’d be worried if I didn’t listen to me after week one when I said that would be Amon-Ra St. Brown‘s worst game of the year.

Fun with Numbers

If this was week one….

Geno Smith would be on pace to throw for 6,715 yards.

Jordan Love would be on pace to throw for 68 touchdowns and 51 interceptions.

Derrick Henry would be on pace to run for 3,383 yards.

Kyle Pitts would be on pace to not catch a single pass all year.

Mark Andrews would also go catch-less, with 17 dropped passes.

Rashee Rice would be on pace for 17 knee injuries.

In short, don’t freak out after any one week. This is a long haul.

The Rookie Top Ten

Always check our latest rankings to see the updates throughout the week. These rankings are simply my own.

1.) Marvin Harrison Jr WR ARI
I still think he’s at the top, but Nabers is one heck of a consolation prize – way better than those partying gifts from The Price is Right.

2.) Malik Nabers, WR NYG
If he’s out this week, the Giants may not score.

3.) Rome Odunze, WR CHI
I’m still impressed.

4.) Brock Bowers, TE LV
A better quarterback would make him the best tight end in the game.

5.) Brian Thomas, WR JAX
Consistently solid.

6.) Xavier Worthy, WR KC
Has a huge opportunity with Rice out.

7.) Jonathon Brooks, RB CAR
Still waiting patiently.

8.) Jayden Daniels, QB WAS
Any questions?

9.) Ladd McConkey, WR LAC
Solid floor option.

10.) Braelon Allen, RB NYJ
Biggest riser in the class thus far.

AI Question of the Week

See you next week for the Dynasty Aftermath.