The Dynasty Aftermath: My Beach Wedding Dream
Welcome to DLF’s Dynasty Aftermath. This staple article is our longest running signature piece as we have a little fun after a tough week at the Dynasty League Football office. You’ll find this article will review the week’s happenings in a variety of ways and help set you up for the coming weeks as we spin around the league in the way we know best. Expect it each and every week.
So, I typically post this article anywhere between Tuesday and Thursday, depending on how many one-off news items and articles we may have during the week. With OBJ signing in Los Angeles and Cam Newton returning to Carolina all of a sudden yesterday, I decided to wait until this afternoon to release it. I’m SO glad I did because my theme for the week changed dramatically. And I mean dramatically.
Anyone who has read this column knows I’m notorious for having weird dreams. Well, last night may have taken the cake. I’m going to attempt to explain it and give you some things that can translate into fantasy football, but please know I’m not high right now. This really happened and l LOVE it.
So, I know some people who are getting married soon and I’ll save you all the details. Just keep in mind that I know them, but not very well. The fact they even made it into my dream is odd. Anyway, it was a pretty lavish looking ceremony that was set up right off the ocean. That seems normal enough until you turn around and see everyone was getting ready in a double wide trailer and the line for cold cut meats was about a mile long. I don’t know if it was bologna, ham or turkey, but it was gettin’ real and was gettin’ serious.
It gets weirder.
There was nobody there to officiate the wedding, so everyone started freaking out. People were running around frantically because things were going to be ruined. My Dad came to the rescue. He and I started beachcombing and found some white metal tubing that was partially obscured in the sand. We started pulling out these long metal tubes (I think they were actually the kind you use to put up outdoor pools) and created a robot priest out of them. This is odd for a few reasons:
1.) I have no idea how to make a robot, no less out of pool parts.
2.) If I did know how, I certainly wouldn’t have the time or knowledge to get this robot ordained.
3.) My Dad is dead.
With that tragedy being somehow solved with the robot made of what looked to be old vacuum cleaner and pool parts, I tried to make my way back to my seat. When I did that, a man approached me and was yelling some kind of religious nonsense and holding a large wooden sign with three unique symbols on it – a tree, a bush and a picture of Karl Anthony Towns of the Minnesota Timberwolves. When I asked what the symbols meant, he muttered under his breath, “Probably doesn’t even know about the honey juice.” The honey juice? Seriously, what in the world!?! He then walked away and grabbed another sign from under his chair that was either in support or against Washington Governor Jay Inslee. I honestly don’t remember exactly what that one said.
The next thing I know, I was suddenly in the meat line. I turned my head to a guy behind me and he was carrying a picture of what looked to be his Son. I politely asked him if he served in the Military and was killed in action (I must have realized it was Veterans Day in my dream), but he said no, he works at Taco Bell and wanted to keep him close.
Yep. He was carrying around a framed picture of his son working at Taco Bell.
I felt uncomfortable about being in line, so I started walking away. Someone complimented by pants and asked it they were made by “Hangar Bay.” I have honestly never heard of that before in my life. I looked that up after I woke up this morning and that is clearly not a clothing company – it looks to be a restaurant outside of Jacksonville, Florida that advertises having the best Fried Chicken AND Japanese Ramen. Three problems here.
1.) I have never heard of this place.
2.) I find it very hard to believe a place could have the best Fried Chicken AND best Japanese Ramen. If you live anywhere near Atlantic Beach, Florida and send me a picture of Hangar Bay along with a food review. I will honestly hook you up with some free DLF stuff.
3.) WTF is going on here in my dream.
As I made it back to my chair apparently in my very attractive “Hangar Bay” slacks, I saw there was a lot of commotion going on. It seems the Bride’s Mom was having an allergic reaction to, yep, you guessed it, the honey juice. She had a big orange stain on her sweater and was having trouble breathing. Instead of helping, I immediately got out an old school Rand McNally paper map to try to find the closest town to get Benadryl. My Mom was feverishly going through her purse to find some and said she couldn’t – the only thing she had was Banofen, which is of course the generic form of Benadryl. Everyone stopped and had a good laugh at my Mom while the bride’s mom took the medicine and laughed along with us. A couple more things to note:
1.) This is the only believable part of the story since my Mom has a purse that’s basically like a swiss army knife. At any given time, this thing will have 30 pounds of meaningless receipts, various illegally obtained medicines from Mexico, and likely at least three containers of tic tacs.
2.) Never met the bride’s Mom in my life and never want to now. If she didn’t greet me with an orange stained sweater and a little drowsy from Benadryl/illegeally obtained Banofen, I’d be amazingly disappointed.
With everything ready to start, we all took our seats. Unfortunately, the wedding was then postponed again when a “Battle of the Bands” started with the religious sign guy playing an electric guitar against an old man who was rocking an accordian.
I then woke up. *&%@.
So, let’s soak all this in and break it down. I think there are some hidden messages again found within my dream.
- The sign guy
There is more than one way to build a fantasy football team. Don’t let anyone else influence you and tell you their way is the only way, especially if they offer you “honey juice” – that stuff can cause some allergic reactions. - The Beach Robot
You have to adapt to your surroundings. Sometimes life will throw you a curveball. We live in a world where Eno Benjamin of the Cardinals is relevant. Adapt and find solutions for your roster or to save a wedding. - The Picture
It’s nobody’s business why you may like or dislike a certain player. While it’s important to build a roster with some intelligence, you can carry around a picture of framed picture of Derrick Henry if you want and I won’t judge you at all.
- My Mom’s Purse
There is no other person I know who has a stock of tic tacs like her. There’s no fantasy advice here, just know that if you ever meet her, you will likely smell fresh breath and if you’d like the same, just ask. She even has the orange ones that I believe can only be sold to pre-teens.
- Hangar Bay Clothing
I think this one is important. I think this showed me you always need to be confident in yourself and in your ability to build your teams. Maybe you have some strange combinations of running backs or receivers. If so, that’s OK! If you want to take a different approach than others, I invite you to rock those Hangar Bay khakis while you enjoy your Fried Chicken and Japanese Ramen.Â
Anyway, on to week nine as I await my fellow owners of the site to have me drug tested or to tell me I can’t share things this weird. Neither will happen.
Fantasy MVP of the Week
James Conner has easily been one of the easiest players to root for during his career. However, injuries cost him a realistic chance at the long-term job in Pittsburgh and he had to settle for a “prove-it” deal in Arizona this off-season. Well, he’s going to have a huge chance to do that. When Chase Edmonds went down last week with what seems to be a high ankle sprain, Conner posted his best game ever with 96 rushing yards, five catches, 77 receiving yards and three touchdowns. As the primary ball carrier on the most explosive offenses in football, Conner looks to be a force for the next month, IF he can stay healthy.
Fantasy LVP of the Week
We knew David Montgomery was going to be back, but we also felt like Khalil Herbert has been just too good to leave on the sidelines. Well, Matt Nagy can never be underestimated as the “New Age Adam Gase” gave Herbert just four carries and no targets that turned into 13 receiving yards on Monday night. It looks like Herbert is going to collect dust as long as Montgomery is healthy and that’s a major buzzkill.
The Unbeatable Lineup of the Week
QB Lamar Jackson BAL = 266 passing yards, 120 rushing yards, three touchdowns
RB James Conner ARI = 96 rushing yards, five catches, 77 receiving yards, three touchdowns
RB Jonathan Taylor IND = 172 rushing yards, two catches, 28 receiving yards, two touchdowns
RB Nick Chubb CLE = 137 rushing yards, two catches, 26 receiving yards, two touchdowns
WR Keenan Allen LAC = 12 catches, 104 receiving yards
WR DeVonta Smith PHI = Five catches, 116 receiving yards, one touchdown
WR Darnell Mooney CHI = 15 rushing yards, three catches, 41 receiving yards, two touchdowns
TE Pat Freiermuth PIT = Five catches, 43 receiving yards, two touchdowns
The Underdog Lineup of the Week
QB Josh Johnson NYJ = 317 passing yards, three touchdowns
RB Nyheim Hines IND = 74 rushing yards, four catches, 34 receiving yards, one touchdown
RB Kenyan Drake LV = 30 rushing yards, six catches, 70 receiving yards
RB Devin Singletary BUF = 16 rushing yards, seven catches, 43 receiving yards
WR Elijah Moore NYJ = Seven catches, 84 receiving yards, two touchdowns
WR Olamide Zaccheaus ATL = Three catches, 58 receiving yards, two touchdowns
WR Malik Turner DAL = Five catches, 33 receiving yards, two touchdowns
TE Cole Kmet CHI = Six catches, 87 receiving yards
The Disappointing Lineup of the Week
QB Trevor Lawrence JAX = 118 passing yards
RB Chase Edmonds ARI = Three rushing yards
RB Khalil Herbert CHI = 13 rushing yards
RB Aaron Jones GB = 53 rushing yards
WR Kadarius Toney NYG = One catch, nine receiving yards, -2 rushing yards
WR Jakobi Meyers NE = One catch, eight receiving yards
WR Courtland Sutton DEN = One catch, nine receiving yards
TE Zach Ertz ARI = Three catches, 27 receiving yards
Gut Checks
I’d be worried if I was expecting to see Alvin Kamara this week.
I’d be worried if I was expecting 2020 numbers from any Kansas City Chiefs player.
I’d be worried if I was expecting Jakobi Meyers to ever score.
I’d be worried if I was still holding out hope for Le’Veon Bell.
I’d be worried if I was underestimating Pat Freiermuth.
I’d be worried if I was still holding on to Austin Hooper.
I’d be worried if I was starting Mike Davis.
I’d be worried if I had Robert Woods. OBJ does not help his cause.
I’d be worried if I thought OBJ was going to be a regular in my lineup the rest of the year.
I’d be worried if I thought I could build a robot out of vacuum cleaner parts.
I’d be worried if I was missing a short buy window on Marquise Brown.
I’d be worried if I needed anything from Josh Gordon.
I’d be worried if I though Trey Lance was going to start again soon.
I’d be worried if I was playing against Jonathan Taylor.
I’d be worried if I needed anything from Kenny Golladay. He’s no longer my favorite Kenny G.
I’d be worried if I thought Adrian Peterson was going to all of a sudden be posting monster numbers.
I’d be worried if I thought I had the Eagles running game figured out.
I’d be worried if I didn’t know the generic brand of Benadryl.
I’d be worried if I had Rob Gronkowski as my TE1.
I’d be worried if I was still holding out hope for that Laviska Shenault 2021 breakout season.
I’d be worried if I was ignoring Dan Arnold.
I’d be worried if I thought Darnell Mooney was going away.
I’d be worried if I wasn’t angling to get Donovan Peoples-Jones.
I’d be worried if I had Jordan Love. He played more like Courtney Love.
I’d be worried if I wasn’t looking to get Javonte Williams before the trade deadline.
I’d be worried if I was starting Amari Cooper with confidence. Hope, yes. Confidence, no.
I’d be worried if I was carrying around a picture of my children for little to no reason.
I’d be worried if I had Josh Jacobs. He’s fine, but doesn’t look like a staple to build around.
I’d be worried if I thought Cam Newton was going to be good Cam Newton.
I’d be worried if I thought Sam Darnold could even be bad Cam Newton.
I’d be worried if I was still holding out much hope for N’Keal Harry.
I’d be worried if I was ignoring the season of Joe Mixon.
I’d be worried if I thought Sammy Watkins was ever going to be good.
I’d be worried if I didn’t salivate over the potential of Diontae Johnson.
I’d be worried if I was counting on Curtis Samuel this season.
I’d be worried if I was needing early season DJ Moore.
I’d be worried if I had Courtland Sutton.
I’d be worried if I was convinced in Elijah Mitchell for the rest of the season.
I’d be worried if I missed out on Elijah Moore.
I’d be worried if I didn’t like Elijah Wood in the Hobbit.
I’d be worried if I had Clyde Edwards-Helaire. He’s running out of time to impress.
I’d be worried if I was still doubting Cordarelle Patterson. He’s the ultimate buy for a contender.
I’d be worried if I was needing production from Jarvis Landry.
I’d be worried if I was still expecting anything from Robby Anderson.
I’d be worried if I was expecting consistency from Friggin’ Mike Williams.
Rookie Scoring Leaders
The averages themselves aren’t changing up and down too much now, so I’ll now add the change in ranking for anyone notable.
1.) Najee Harris RB PIT = 19.88
2.) Ja’Marr Chase WR CIN = 18.93
3.) Trevor Lawrence QB JAX = 17.48
4.) Mac Jones QB NE = 16.68
5.) Jaylen Waddle WR MIA = 13.76 (+2)
6.) Elijah Mitchell RB SF = 13.53
7.) Michael Carter RB NYJ = 13.06
8.) Davis Mills QB HOU = 12.96
9.)Justin Fields QB CHI = 12.54 (+4)
10.) Trey Lance QB SF = 12.50
11.) Kyle Pitts TE ATL = 12.08
12.) Zach Wilson QB NYJ = 11.97
13.) DeVonta Smith WR PHI = 11.74 (+2)
14.) Javonte Williams RB DEN = 10.50
15.) Chuba HubbardRB CAR = 9.51
16.) Pat Freiermuth TE PIT = 9.44 (+7)
17.) Elijah Moore WR NYJ = 9.37 (+10)
18.) Rashod Bateman WR BAL = 9.38 (+2)
19.) Rondale Moore WR ARI = 9.03
20.) Kenneth Gainwell RB PHI = 8.49
Notable players not in the top 20: Kadarius Toney, Kenneth Gainwell, Amon-Ra St. Brown, Trey Sermon, , Terrace Marshall, Tommy Tremble,  Nico Collins, Dyami Brown, Anthony Schwartz, Rhamondre Stevenson.
The Rookie Top 20
Always check our latest rankings to see the updates through the week. I take these from the rankers who input their information the quickest after the end of the week.Â
TIER ONE
1.) Ja’Marr Chase WR CIN (Six catches, 49 receiving yards) (Last week: 1)
He’s terrible. Trade him to me.
2.) Najee Harris RB PIT (62 rushing yards, three catches, 16 receiving yards, one touchdown) (Last week: 2)
Snapped a streak of five straight games with at least 20 fantasy points. He’s terrible, too. Trade him to me.
3.) Kyle Pitts TE ATL (Three catches, 62 receiving yards) (Last week: 3)
Two straight duds. Buy now because it might be your last chance.
TIER TWO
4.) Jaylen Waddle WR MIAÂ (Eight catches, 83 receiving yards) (Last week:4)
It’s weird how the Dolphins are using him, but also hard to argue with the results.
5.) DeVonta Smith WR PHI (Five catches, 116 receiving yards, one touchdown) (Last week: 5)
His best game thus far solidifies this spot.
6.) Javonte Williams RB DEN (111 rushing yards) (Last week: 6)
Grrr. Melvin Gordon. Grrrr.
TIER THREE
7.) Travis Etienne RB JAX (Last week: 7)
Out for the season.
8.) Rashod Bateman WR BAL (Five catches, 52 receiving yards) (Last week: ) 8
Still waiting for that big splash game.
9.) Rondale Moore WR ARI (Five catches, 25 receiving yards) (Last week: 9)
It’s going to take some time.
10.) Kadarius Toney WR NYG (One catch, nine receiving yards) (Last week: 10)
He just has to stay healthy.
11.) Elijah Moore WR NYJ (Seven catches, 84 receiving yards, two touchdowns) (Last week: 16)
That’s what we were waiting for.
12.) Michael Carter RB NYJ (49 rushing yards, one catch, 37 receiving yards) (Last week: 11)
Bit of a letdown this week. I’m still not sure he’s a long-term asset.
13.) Elijah Mitchell, RB SF (36 rushing yards, five catches, 43 receiving yards) (Last week: 12)
Still seems like the best option in that backfield.
TIER FOUR
14.) Trevor Lawrence QB JAX (118 passing yards) (Last week: 13)
Patience will eventually be rewarded, but his season has been pretty gross.
15.) Trey Lance QB SF (DNP) (Last week: 14)
Jimmy G has played well enough to hold him off for a bit.
16.) Justin Fields QB CHI (291 passing yards, 45 rushing yards, one touchdown, one interception) (Last week: 15)
This week was a really positive step. Matt Nagy is really, really smart. Just ask him.
TIER FIVE
17.) Terrace Marshall WR CAR (No catches) (Last week: 17)
This has been a total disaster.
18.) Kenneth Gainwell RB PHI (Three rushing yards, one touchdown) (Last week: 18)
It looks like he’s the third option behind Boston Scott and Jordan Howard. That’s a huge downer.
19.) Mac Jones QB NE (139 passing yards, one touchdown, one interception) (Last week: 19)
Solid, but unspectacular. Again.
20.) Pat Freiermuth, TE PIT (Five catches, 43 receiving yards, two touchdowns) (Last week: NR)
He’s starting to look like the new-age Heath Miller.
Knocking on the door: Trey Sermon, Nico Collins, Dyami Brown, Amon-Ra St. Brown, Rhamondre Stevenson, Larry Rountree, Tylan Wallace, Amari Rodgers, Jaret Patterson and more.
See you next week!
Ken is on Twitter at DLF_KenK
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