The Dynasty Aftermath: The Time I went Snowboarding without a Sherpa
Welcome to DLF’s Dynasty Aftermath. This staple article is our longest running signature piece as we have a little fun after a tough week at the Dynasty League Football office. You’ll find this article will review the week’s happenings in a variety of ways and help set you up for the coming weeks as we spin around the league in the way we know best. Expect it each and every week.
I’ve written this column for over fifteen years and I really do enjoy it. I love combing through the stats of the week, putting together ridiculous lineups, picking MVPs/LVPs and discussing things to worry about.
That’s not all.
I also really love sharing little bits of my life with the community of DLF and picking a theme for this column each week. You really never know what you’re going to get. In fact, I’ll reserve the right to change my theme ideas if something cool happens like my friend peeing their pants at the Goodwill. If you missed one this year, click below:
Week One: The Peloton
Week Two: Going Vegan
I’ve never been known for my keen ability to balance myself. I’m not good on ice skates, can’t surf and whenever I’ve tried to water ski or wakeboard, it legitimately looks a lot like this scene from Weekend at Bernies.
Many years ago, some of my friends asked if I wanted to go snowboarding. After all, we live by the mountains and it’s a popular thing for people to do. I decided to try it. It was late at night when we decided to go and I didn’t have any kind of equipment or the ability to get anything from a store. I figured I’d just rent some stuff and figure it out as I went along. After all, what could go wrong?
They picked me up at 5:00 in the morning and I hopped into the truck wearing my blue jeans, a sweatshirt, a coat and some work boots. Apparently it was too early for them to notice this was a huge red flag, so we headed up to the mountain. I had no idea what was in store for me.
When we arrived, I immediately went to the lodge to rent a snowboard. After about four hours and $4,000, I was ready to rock. I purchased my lift ticket (apparently you can’t just walk up the mountain) for an amount that should have given me access to Mount Everest or possibly the moon. I jumped on the ski lift and was ready to start my adventure, unwavered by the ridiculous expense.
That’s when the trouble started.
When I jumped off the lift, I immediately fell right on my face into a pile of snow. It turns out you really have to know what you’re doing to get down successfully. It also turns out that every attractive woman in a ten mile radius was watching. After maneuvering myself to the top of the hill, I was ready to start, knowing I’d catch up with my friends later. The ski run was called the “Buttercup,” so I figured it would be pretty simple. They may as well had called it the “Black Diamond Slope of Death” because it took me almost an hour to get down it. That hour was filled with epic falls and wipeouts, but that wasn’t the worst of it. It seems denim is not the choice of most snowboarders as it gets pretty cold, starts to shrink and can cause hypothermia and loss of important limbs. Needless to say, that wasn’t a good choice. Add in the fact my ankles were ready to explode from the pain caused by my inneficient Danner work boots and it was a bad start to the day.
I went back to the Pro Shop to rent something called “ski pants,” and also something called, “ski boots.” These felt much more comfortable and I was confident this was going to be the answer to my prayers. I hopped back on the lift and was ready to tackle the mountain like Shawn White. I hopped off the lift and was dedicated to not falling in front of all these people. I twisted, turned, moved my arms like a gymnast trying to land a double flip and I had done it! I had stayed on my feet and successfully jumped off the lift. Just when I started feeling good about myself, I felt what can only be described as a baseball bat to the back of the skull. It turns out you don’t have a lot of time to get out of the way of the lift. If you don’t move, it hits you on the back of the head.
Dazed and likely now concussed, I felt more determined than ever to make it down the hill. I started out strong, kept my balance and started ripping down “Buttercup.” I was passing nine year old kids right and left and feeling like a true X-gamer. I then realized something pretty important – I had no idea how to stop. For a second, I actually accepted my fate was going to be the same as Sonny Bono’s. I was convinced I was going to hit a tree and die on that mountain.
Determined to stay alive, I did the only reasonable thing I could…I took a hard right down the hill into the powder. When I opened my eyes after coming to a landing only a true idiot could pull off, I realized I was down a hill about 100 feet, with nobody around to help. The powdery snow was deep and hard to maneuver through. I had no sherpa. I was in the death zone. It was then when I realized I was going to either need to make a snow cave or try to get myself back up on to “Buttercup.” I thought this is what Everest must feel like. I swear I saw “Green Boots,” one of the climbers they can’t bring down off the Everest. However, I found a way to survive, but the only way I can describe what it looked like getting up that hill is found below:
After making it to safety, I turned in all my gear, put back on my soaked Levi’s 501 that were very similar in size now to that of Barbie Ken’s pants, put back on my ankle breaking work boots and hit the lodge. When my friends caught up to me, my message was simple and I’ll never forget the words I uttered to them.
“The next time I say I want to do this, you are to come to my house, kick the living crap out of me, then charge me $300 for the beating. It will be the same feeling, but at least I’ll have my Saturday back.”
So, how does this relate to fantasy football? Easy! After three weeks, you could be 0-3 and feel like you have no chance of survival. You have to persevere, you have to move on. You have to picture what I did when I was in the death zone, fighting for my life to make it up and join those nine year olds once again on that hill. You have to fight for your right to live, just as I did. I did not go quietly into the night and pictured this below:
Week Three Fantasy MVP
Well, it seems the demise of Alvin Kamara was greatly exaggerated this off-season. With Saquon Barkley and Christian McCaffrey on the shelf, it’s clear Kamara is the top dog until further notice. He was a one man wrecking crew this week.
Week Three Fantasy LVP
A week after posting 12/105/1 on a whopping 16 targets, Bill Belichick decided to ruin not only the fantasy values of his own players, but that of Darren Waller‘s as well. His two catches and nine receiving yards were brutal.
Lineup Fun
The Unbeatable Lineup of the Week
QB Patrick Mahomes KC = 385 passing yards, 26 rushing yards, five touchdowns
RB Alvin Kamara NO = 58 rushing yards, 13 catches, 139 receiving yards, two touchdowns
RB Austin Ekeler LAC Â = 59 rushing yards, 11 catches, 84 receiving yards, one touchdown
RB Derrick Henry TENÂ = 119 rushing yards, two catches, 11 receiving yards, two touchdowns
WR Tyler Lockett SEAÂ = Nine catches, 100 receiving yards, three touchdowns
WR Keenan Allen LACÂ = 13 catches, 132 receiving yards, one touchdown
WR Allen Robinson CHIÂ = Ten catches, 123 receiving yards, one touchdown
TE Eric Ebron PITÂ = Five catches, 52 receiving yards, one touchdown
The Underdog Lineup of the Week
QB Ryan Fitzpatrick MIAÂ = 160 passing yards, 38 rushing yards, three touchdowns, one sweet shirt revealing a very hairy chest
RB Rex Burkhead NEÂ = 49 rushing yards, seven catches, 49 receiving yards, three touchdowns
RB James Robinson JAXÂ = 46 rushing yards, six catches, 83 receiving yards, two touchdowns
RB Jeff Wilson SFÂ = 15 rushing yards, three catches, 54 receiving yards, two touchdowns
WR Justin Jefferson MINÂ = Seven catches, 175 receiving yards, one touchdown
WR Cedrick Wilson DAL = Five catches, 107 receiving yards, two touchdowns
WR Allen Lazard GB = Six catches, 146 receiving yards, one touchdown
TE Jimmy Graham CHI = Six catches, 60 receiving yards, two touchdowns
The Disappointing Lineup of the Week
QB Daniel Jones NYG = 179 passing yards, 49 receiving yards, one interception
RB Devonta Freeman NYG Â = Ten rushing yards
RB Benny Snell PIT = 11 rushing yards
RB Malcolm Brown LARÂ = 19 rushing yards
WR Diontae Johnson PIT = No catches, nine rushing yards
WR Marquise Brown BALÂ = Two catches, 13 receiving yards
WR Julian Edelman NEÂ = Two catches, 23 receiving yards
TE Darren Waller LVÂ = Two catches, nine receiving yards
GUT CHECKS
I’d be worried if I thought Drew Brees was totally cooked.
I’d be worried if I was complaining about the lack of touchdowns from CEH
I’d be worried if I thought DK Metcalf was ever going to do that again.
I’d be worried if I knew which Packers receiver was going to step up in any given week.
I’d be worried if I was ignoring Hunter Renfrow.
I’d be worried if I wore jeans to a mountain.
I’d be worried if I was playing against Russell Wilson. Wow.
I’d be worried if I was expecting consistency from the Patriots offense.
I’d be worried if I owned Bryce Love.
I’d be worried if I was giving up on Darius Slayton.
I’d be worried if I owned D’Andre Swift. I did not expect this.
I’d be worried if I was going down anything called “Buttercup.”
I’d be worried if I owned AJ Green. I kind of did expect this.
I’d be worried if I wasn’t seriously considering trading James Conner.
I’d be worried if I didn’t read that last sentence.
I’d be worried if I thought Julio Jones was still the Falcons receiver to own.
I’d be worried if I was underestimating Allen Robinson.
I’d be worried if I owned Mitch Trubisky.
I’d be worried if I thought I had this whole Tampa backfield figured out.
I’d be worried if I owned David Johnson. The first week was good, but he’s looking touchdown dependent.
I’d be worried if I was asked to go snowboarding with Brian Calliope.
I’d be worried if I was picking up Kalen Ballage. Just don’t.
I’d be worried if I owned Matt Breida or Jordan Howard. The Dolphins are going with the unusual strategy of paying their backup running backs more than their starter.
I’d be worried if I owned Sam Darnold  He’s getting David Carr’d.
I’d be worried if I missed out on my opportunity to buy Tee Higgins or Justin Jefferson.
I’d be worried if I stood too long in front of a ski lift.
I’d be worried if I owned David Montgomery. He just isn’t that great.
I’d be worried if I owned Mark Ingram. Check, please.
I’d be worried if I thought Teddy Bridgewater was the long-term answer in Carolina.
I’d be worried if I owned any Browns receiver.
I’d be worried if I owned Todd Gurley. He just looks worn down.
I’d be worried if I got tackled by Trysten Hill.
I’d be worried if I didn’t know who Sonny Bono was.
I’d be worried if I thought Austin Ekeler wasn’t going to be part of the passing game.
I’d be worried if I owned Mike Williams. It’s just not happening for him.
I’d be worried if I was a non-contender and owned Derrick Henry. The volume is getting obscene.
I’d be worried if I owned Kenyan Drake. Chase Edmonds might be better.
I’d be worried if I owned Melvin Gordon. Defenses are not going to be afraid of Brett Rypien.
I’d be worried if I didn’t think Alvin Kamara could singlehandedly win leagues.
I’d be worried if I owned Joe Mixon. What’s going on?
Bonus Section: The Rookie Top 20
1.) Clyde Edwards-Helaire, RB KC (64 rushing yards, five catches, 70 receiving yards)(Previous Ranking: 1)
The touchdowns will come.
2.) Jonathan Taylor, RB IND (59 rushing yards, one catch, three receiving yards, one touchdown) (2)
He’s been fine, but not quite dominant as of yet.
3.) CeeDee Lamb, WR DAL (Five catches, 65 receiving yards) (4)
He looks the part. His stats may be a little inconsistent with so many pass catchers, though.
4.) JK Dobbins, RB BAL (Six rushing yards, four catches, 38 receiving yards) (3)
He does a lot with his chances, but needs more of them to be reliable in fantasy.
5.) Jerry Jeudy, WR DEN (Five catches, 55 receiving yards) (5)
He has a great opportunity, but the quarterback play is going to hold him back.
6.) D’Andre Swift, RB DET (One catch, 19 receiving yards) (6)
I am officially concerned.
7.) Jalen Reagor, WR PHI (Four catches, 41 receiving yards) (8)
DNP
8.) Cam Akers, RB LAR (13 rushing yards) (7)
DNP, but Darrell Henderson looked good this week. I’m concerned here now as well.
9.) Justin Jefferson, WR MIN (Seven catches, 175 receiving yards, one touchdown) (9)
Quite a breakout this week. One more of those and he’s going to be a fixture in lineups.
10.) Laviska Shenault, WR JAX (Five catches, 33 receiving yards, one rushing yard) (11)
He’s been super consistent.
11.) Henry Ruggs, WR LV (One catch, four receiving yards) (10)
DNP
12.) Antonio Gibson, RB WAS (49 rushing yards, three catches, 11 receiving yards, one touchdown) (12)
He’s getting his chances. We haven’t quite seen the explosive plays we’d like to as of yet.
13.) Tee Higgins, WR CIN (Five catches, 40 receiving yards, two touchdowns) (13)
Uhh, that performance just ended the John Ross experiment in Cincinnati.
14.) Brandon Aiyuk, WR SF (Five catches, 70 receiving yards, 31 rushing yards, one touchdown) (18)
Solid week for Aiyuk, who is rising quickly.
15.) Michael Pittman, WR IND (Three catches, 26 receiving yards) (13)
He looks the part, but his injury stings.
16.) Joshua Kelley, RB LAC (43 rushing yards, two catches, nine receiving yards) (17)
Took more of a backseat this week, but his start has been very promising.
17.) James Robinson, RB JAX (46 rushing yards, six catches, 83 receiving yards, two touchdowns)(NR)
The fastest riser in the class continues to impress.
18.) Bryan Edwards, WR LV (Two catches, 48 receiving yards) (14)
If you believe in him, this is the time to buy. He’s just not part of the game plan so far.
19.) Joe Burrow, QB CIN (312 passing yards, two touchdowns) (19)
He’ll never be on the outside looking in when you look at this list at any point this year.
20.) Denzel Mims, WR NYJ (Still out with an injury) (16)
The Jets could probably use him. Even on defense. Or coaching.
Ken is on Twitter at DLF_KenK
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