The Dynasty Aftermath: The Time I turned into Ben Matlock in Juvenile Court

Welcome to DLF’s Dynasty Aftermath. This staple article is our longest running signature piece as we have a little fun after a tough week at the Dynasty League Football office. You’ll find this article will review the week’s happenings in a variety of ways and help set you up for the coming weeks as we spin around the league in the way we know best. Expect it each and every week.

I’ve written this column for over fifteen years and I really do enjoy it. I love combing through the stats of the week, putting together ridiculous lineups, picking MVPs/LVPs and discussing things to worry about.

That’s not all.

I also really love sharing little bits of my life with the community of DLF and picking a theme for this column each week. You really never know what you’re going to get. In fact, I’ll reserve the right to change my theme ideas if something cool happens like my friend peeing their pants at the Goodwill. If you missed one this year, click below:

Week One: The time I ordered The Peloton
Week Two: The time I went Vegan
Week Three: The time I went snowboarding without a Sherpa
Week Four: The time I found my Lack of Mystical Kung-Fu Powers
Week Five: The time my Mom thought she was going to prison for Bootlegging Brewster’s Millions
Week Six: The time my Cousin’s friend turned into Lee Harvey Oswald

If you’ve read this column in years past, you know I had an incredible career as a roller rink DJ when I was younger. Yep, it was phenomenal and I have a story coming this year that you won’t believe, but is again true. After graduating High School, I signed on (as if I had a contract) for one more Summer season at SkateWorld and they let me do maintenance on the roller rink. The Manager once made a sign that said, “We are not reliable for any infections from skate rentals” and that grammatical error alone made me want stay. I pictured people going home saying, “Damn. No gout. I thought it was guaranteed!”

This maintentance consisted of spraying the roller skates, emptying out the always safe buckets of water hidden above the ceiling tiles that caught the leaks, gluing down carpet in colors that would burn the retinas out of your skull and other general cleaning. I would do maintenance in the morning and DJ at night. Again, living the dream.

Since I was working a split shift every day, I had between noon and four off every weekday. I’d go home for lunch and watch Perry Mason and Matlock each and every day. Over the span of those three months, I think I watched every single episode made. Whether it was Conrad McMasters solving a crime and getting himself out of a pickle, Della Street helping Perry unravel a case, Randy Travis guest starring as the lonely drifter who sings while he paints for Andy Griffith and Don Knotts drinking iced tea, or the episode where Matlock solved a case by laying down on his back and reading VCR numbers upside down to reveal a name (it read Lee not 337!), I had the court process down and had no idea just how handy this would come in later.

Every Summer, we’d have an all-night skate where kids and questionable adults would come from 11:00 to 7:00 to skate, dance and probably sell drugs to each other. At the end of the night, we’d clean up, lock up and go home to sleep.

Until this Summer.

After the all-nighter, I got a call about 9:00 in the morning (I clearly wouldn’t have answered between 12:00 and 2:00 because those were my mystery hours) and it was the police. Turns out some of the kids had broken into the local SkateWorld and stolen some items. Included in that were hot dogs (not kidding), my CD player and a whole host of my CDs. I gave my statement and later received a call to juvenile court.

Now, after watching this much Matlock and Perry Mason, two things were apparent.

1.) My standards for the courtroom action were way too high
2.) I was overprepared to be a witness

After not sleeping the night before knowing it was going to be my time to shine, I put on my best tie, combed my hair (I had some then) and went the courthouse, waiting restlessly for my magic moment. After all, this was the time where all my courtroom TV watching experience was going to make its mark.

I was called into the courthouse and immediately brought to the witness stand. I felt like they knew what they had in me. I figured by the end of the day I’d be in the Witness Protection Program with some type of ribbon or trophy for my mantle. They simply had no idea what was in store for them.

I was first shown a picture of my CDs and my CD player. The prosecuting attorney asked me if those were mine. They clearly expected me to say, “Yeah,” or “Sure.” Nope.  My response?  “Yes, sir. Those seem to be the CDs and CD player in question on said date.” Perfect legal jargon. Perfect tone. I was in my element.

The prosecutor asked me several follow-up questions to which this 18-year old had flawless answers.  Words like exhibit, entity, burden of proof, and domicile were flowing out of me like hot air from a politician. My performance was single-handedly taking this misdemeanor sentence from a 60-day parole straight to the electric chair. When the prosecution was over, this thing was sealed.

The defense attorney then unwisely questioned me and asked me if it wasn’t partially my fault because it wouldn’t have happened had I taken my own personal property home.  I froze and waited.  Then waited. Then waited some more. The judge gave me a puzzled look and told me to answer the question. My response?  “I’m sorry your honor. I was waiting for the prosecuting attorney to object to the question because it was speculatory.” He gave me the strangest look, then looked at the attorney. The prosecutor’s response? “Actually, your honor, I will object to that question. It is speculatory.” The defense attorney rested, knowing I’d never crack. I was on my way to join Ray Liotta from GoodFellas in some midwestern town with a new identity.

I then pushed it too far.

Feeling a little cocky at this point and feeling my time on the stand was running thin, I asked to address the court. Both attorneys tried to stop me, but I was like a legal freight train going off the rails. The judge overruled their objections and asked me what I wanted. I think now it was simply because he had a morbid curiosity about what this idiot was going to say next. I asked what happened to the other suspect and was quickly ushered out. They had all had enough.

As I was leaving, the prosecuting attorney walked me out. As I strolled confidently down the hallway, he said, “Thanks. You were good up there.” I looked at him and scoffed.  “Good,” I replied? “I was Ben Fricking Matlock,” I said.

True story, folks.

Let’s get to it and judge the week that was.

Week Seven Fantasy MVP

Tyler Lockett put on an absolute clinic with 15 catches on a whopping 20 targets for 200 yards and three touchdowns to post one of the most epic performances in fantasy football history. While much of the talk in dynasty circles revolves around the value of DK Metcalf, Lockett reminded us all there are two elite assets in the Seattle receiving corps. While Lockett tends to be up and down with his production, this week proved again his highs can be just incredible.

Week Seven Fantasy LVP

The Dallas offense is hard to watch, the players look like they’ve quit and the skill position players are all going to suffer as a result. CeeDee Lamb had just one rushing yard this week and that tanked countless fantasy teams. Andy Dalton has no chance behind that offensive line and even though Ben DiNucci is super fun to say (you have to cup your inverted hand and press your thumb to your fingers when you say that with an Italian accent), he isn’t going to make things better. At this point, Ezekiel Elliott and Amari Cooper can likely be started, but it’s hard to see anyone else being consistent. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Michael Gallup get traded at the deadline. As you know, I have no kung fu powers, but even I would have stood up for Andy Dalton after he was obliterated.

Lineup Fun

The Unbeatable Lineup of the Week

QB Tom Brady TB = 369 passing yards, five total touchdowns
RB Alvin Kamara NO = 83 rushing yards, eight catches, 65 receiving yards
RB Todd Gurley ATL = 63 rushing yards, two catches, 19 receiving yards, two touchdowns (one accidental, but we’ll take it)
RB Jamaal Williams GB = 77 rushing yards, four catches, 37 receiving yards, one touchdown
WR Tyler Lockett SEA = 15 catches, 200 receiving yards, three touchdowns
WR Davante Adams GB = 13 catches, 196 receiving yards, two touchdowns
WR Diontae Johnson PIT = Nine catches, 80 receiving yards, two touchdowns
TE Rob Gronkowski TB = Five catches, 62 receiving yards, one touchdown

The Underdog Lineup of the Week

QB Baker Mayfield CLE = 297 passing yards, five touchdowns
RB James Robinson JAX = 119 rushing yards, four catches, 18 receiving yards, two touchdowns
RB Jeff Wilson Jr. SF = 112 rushing yards, two catches, eight receiving yards, three touchdowns
RB Chase Edmonds ARI = 58 rushing yards, seven catches, 87 receiving yards
WR Scotty Miller TB = Six catches, 109 receiving yards, one touchdown
WR Cole Beasley BUF = 11 catches, 112 receiving yards
WR Nelson Agholor LV = Five catches, 107 receiving yards, one touchdown
TE Harrison Bryant CLE = Four catches, 56 receiving yards, two touchdowns

The Disappointing Lineup of the Week

QB Nick Foles CHI = 261 passing yards, two interceptions
RB Devonta Freeman NYG = Eight rushing yards
RB Kenyan Drake ARI = 34 rushing yards, one catch, seven receiving yards
RB Chris Carson SEA = 34 rushing yards, one catch, seven receiving yards (same exact stats as Drake, weird)
WR Michael Gallup DAL = No catches
WR Odell Beckham Jr. CLE = No catches, one torn ACL
WR CeeDee Lamb DAL = One rushing yard
TE Jonnu Smith TEN = One catch, nine receiving yards

GUT CHECKS

I’d be worried if I was still doubting Aaron Rodgers.

I’d be worried if I didn’t think Diontae Johnson was the Steelers WR1 when healthy.

I’d be worried if I thought Diontae Johnson was always going to be healthy.

I’d be worried if I wasn’t looking to sell David Johnson.

I’d be worried if I was relying on any Chargers back at the moment.

I’d be worried if I owned DJ Chark. Mustache mania just seems creepy now.

I’d be worried if I never watched Matlock.

I’d be worried if I was getting cute with 49ers running back. To me, Mostert is the only safe play when he’s on the field.

I’d be worried if I owned Gardner Minshew. Again, when he isn’t playing well, the mustache looks terrible.

I’d be worried if I didn’t think Jake Luton may get a start this year for the Jaguars.

I’d be worried if I passed on Tee Higgins. He and Joe Burrow are going to be like Carson Palmer and Chad Johnson – together for a long time.

I’d be worried if I expected consistency from Keelan Cole.

I’d be worried if I expected consistency from Chase Claypool. Mapletron is going to be dry and sticky at times.

I’d be worried if I thought Chase Edmonds was going to give that job back. Buy now, not later.

I’d be worried if I didn’t think Cole Beasley could actually help teams again this season.

I’d be worried if I owned Odell Beckham, Jr. I’d say there’s a better chance than not that he’s played his last game for Cleveland.

I’d be worried if I owned David Montgomery. He’s just not a dynamic player.

I’d be worried if I wasn’t looking to move Todd Gurley now in my dynasty league.

I’d be worried if I didn’t include Terry McLaurin when I was mentioning the best fantasy receivers.

I’d be worried if I was ignoring the performances of Brandin Cooks after the coaching change.

I’d be worried if I was still holding out hope for Chris Herndon.

I’d be worried if I owned Ronald Jones or Leonard Fournette. Best of luck to you on figuring this out.

I’d be worried if I didn’t notice the play of Darnell Mooney.

I’d be worried if I passed on Justin Herbert.

I’d be worried if I was playing against Davante Adams.

I’d be worried if I owned Mike Davis and didn’t have a plan on what I was going to do with him. It’s almost too late.

I’d be worried if I owned Evan Engram. This has been a faceplant.

I’d be worried if I owned Josh Allen. His production has really started to tail off.

I’d be worried if I had given up on Lamical Perine.

I’d be worried if I was still ignoring consistent production from Russell Gage.

I’d be worried if I didn’t take advantage of that short window to buy AJ Brown.

I’d be worried if I hadn’t noticed what DJ Moore has done lately.

I’d be worried if I owned Deebo Samuel. He’s great, but quickly earning an injury reputation.

I’d be worried if I owned Cam Newton. Wow, this went bad quickly.

I’d be worried if I owned Kenyan Drake. See Edmonds, Chase up above.

I’d be worried if I hadn’t handcuffed Gio Bernard to Joe Mixon. Plus, check out his mustache. Way better than Minshew’s.

Top Rookie Scoring Averages through Week Six
I may just make this a permanent section as I find it interesting. I’m adding the scoring change from week-to-week so you can see how each performance is affecting their averages – this could help you in determining any buy or sell opportunities.

1.) Justin Herbert QB LAC = 29.24 (+3.18)
2.) Joe Burrow QB CIN = 23.19 (+2.91)
3.) James Robinson RB JAX = 19.37 (+1.99)
4.) Justin Jefferson WR MIN = 16.95 (No change)
5.) Clyde Edwards-Helaire RB KC = 15.50 (-0.37)
6.) Chase Claypool WR PIT = 14.93 (-2.79)
7.) Jonathan Taylor RB IND = 14.48 (No change)
8.) CeeDee Lamb WR DAL = 14.16 (-2.34)
9.) D’Andre Swift RB DET = 13.95 (+0.17)
10.) Antonio Gibson RB WAS = 13.59 (+0.88)
11.) Tee Higgins WR CIN = 12.60 (+0.93)
12.) Brandon Aiyuk WR SF = 12.15 (+1.07)
13.) Laviska Shenault WR JAX = 10.40 (-0.50)
14.) Albert Okwuegbunam TE DEN = 9.75 (+6.50)
15.) Henry Ruggs WR LV = 9.32 (-0.95)
16.) Joshua Kelley RB LAC = 8.98 (+0.27)
17.) Jerry Jeudy WR DEN = 8.93 (-0.99)
18.) Denzel Mims WR NYJ = 8.20 (+8.20)
19.) JK Dobbins RB BAL = 7.63  (No change)
20.) Jalen Reagor WR PHI = 7.30  (No change)

The Rookie Top 20
Always check our latest rankings to see the updates through the week. I take these from the rankers who input their information the quickest after the end of the week.

1.) Clyde Edwards-Helaire, RB KC (46 rushing yards, one catches, 17 receiving yards, one touchdown) (Previous Ranking: 1)
Bell is going to eat into his workload a touch and that’s worrisome. He’s still the 1.01, but that’s almost more because nobody behind him is really making a run at it. Still, this could represent a good buy window on CEH.

2.) CeeDee Lamb, WR DAL (One rushing yard) (2)
The entire Cowboys team is a disaster and it’s going to hurt his rookie season. Stay patient.

3.) Jonathan Taylor, RB IND (Bye week) (3)

4.) JK Dobbins, RB BAL (Bye week) (4)

5.) D’Andre Swift, RB DET (27 rushing yards, four catches, 21 receiving yards one touchdown) (5)
He’s getting increased playing time and a touchdown saved his day. Still, it would be nice to see him be 1A instead of 1B. It’s coming, though.

6.) Justin Jefferson, WR MIN (Bye week) (6)

7.) Jerry Jeudy, WR DEN (Two catches, 20 receiving yards) (5)
Drew Lock doesn’t look like the future, but it still seems like we’d have seen a little more from Jeudy.

8.) Chase Claypool WR PIT (One catch, -2 receiving yards) (11)
There are going to be some major ups and downs. He may not be reliable until next season, but his upside is obvious.

9.) Tee Higgins, WR CIN (Five catches, 71 receiving yards, one touchdown) (8)
His consistency has been fantastic.

10.) Henry Ruggs, WR LV (Bye Week) (9)

11.) Cam Akers, RB LAR (Zero rushing yards) (10)
With 26 total carries, 113 total rushing yards and no touchdowns, Akers trails both Darrell Henderson (87/412/3) and Malcolm Brown (65/274/3) in all three categories. It’s time to really be concerned here.

12.) Jalen Reagor, WR PHI (DNP) (12)

13.) James Robinson, RB JAX (119 rushing yards, four catches, 18 receiving yards, two touchdowns) (17)
Two forgettable performances were wiped away by another solid outing. There’s a narrative out there that Robinson isn’t as valuable because he was undrafted and Jacksonville doesn’t have a lot invested in him. Well, he’ll make it tough for anyone to beat him out moving forward, so I don’t buy that at all. He’s going to keep moving up this list, whether you like it or not.

14.) Laviska Shenault, WR JAX (Three catches, 44 receiving yards) (13)
A quiet game this week for Shenault, but he’s remaining healthy and that’s even more important.

15.) Antonio Gibson, RB WAS (128 rushing yards, one touchdown) (14)
The lack of passing game work this week was frustrating, but he’s clearly the best option they have in the running game.

16.) Brandon Aiyuk, WR SF (Six catches, 115 receiving yards) (15)
He’s just great after the catch. The 49ers have a lot of options, but Aiyuk is a solid dynasty asset.

17.) Michael Pittman, WR IND (Bye Week)

18.) Denzel Mims, WR NYJ (Four catches, 42 receiving yards) (18)
We finally got our first look at Mims and he was productive for the Jets – that’s saying something.

19.) Joe Burrow, QB CIN (406 passing yards, three touchdowns, 34 rushing yards, rushing touchdown, one interception) (19)
Looks like the Bengals have their long-term answer as long as they keep him upright.

20.) Justin Herbert, QB LAC (347 passing yards, 66 rushing yards, four total touchdowns) (20)
Any questions?

• Author
• Recent Posts

Ken Kelly

Senior Partner - Executive Editor at DynastyLeagueFootball

Ken is a corporate trainer by day an a tireless editor of dynasty content by night. His passion for the World Champion Seattle Seahawks is second only to his love of fantasy football and the dynasty format.

Ken is on Twitter at DLF_KenK

Latest posts by Ken Kelly (see all)

• Lineup Advice: Week Four - September 29, 2023
• The Dynasty Aftermath: Why Taylor Swift isn’t Good Enough for Travis Kelce - September 26, 2023
• The Dynasty Fantasy Football Impact of the Mike Williams Knee Injury - September 25, 2023