The Dynasty Aftermath: Johnny Cash Telling Jokes in a Cornfield

Ken Kelly

Welcome to DLF’s Dynasty Aftermath. This staple article is our longest running signature piece as we have a little fun after a tough week at the Dynasty League Football office. You’ll find this article will review the week’s happenings in a variety of ways and help set you up for the coming weeks as we spin around the league in the way we know best. Expect it each and every week.

I’ve written this column for nearly fifteen years and I really do enjoy it. I love combing through the stats of the week, putting together ridiculous lineups, picking MVPs/LVPs and discussing things to worry about.

That’s not all.

I also really love sharing little bits of my life with the community of DLF and picking a theme for this column each week. This year, I’ve started out focusing on TV shows and movies that are stream-worthy out there. If you’ve missed any, here are some previous versions:

The Office
The Last Man on Earth
Ode to Ron Swanson
“I’ve made a Huge Mistake”
Finkle and Einhorn
“Going to my Quiet Place”
“The Hangover”
“The Dude”
“The Iron Lotus”
Eastbound and Down

The Internet is something else.  Last week, we focused on Eastbound and Down and I found this little gem below on YouTube instead of something funny about the series featuring a washed up baseball player.

Yeah, not exactly the Eastbound and Down I was thinking of.  While I do love me some Smokey and the Bandit, the fact this came up sent me down a YouTube surfing wormhole that led me to some very unique video gems.  Instead of keeping them to myself, I’ve decided to dedicate this week to weird county videos found on YouTube.  I asked Jerry Reed up above what he thought about this idea and even though he’s dead, he did the overenthusiastic happy-clapping thing below to indicate his approval.

We start our journey with one of the first nuggets I found, which was Johnny Cash telling jokes on the TV show Hee Haw.  Seriously, Johnny.  This is not you. The twins in this video are also pretty creepy and probably weren’t even scheduled to be on the show.  They were probably from Children of the Corn and threatened to behead Johnny if they didn’t let them tell a joke.

So, what’s the lesson here?  Well, I guess even when you have stars on your team, things aren’t always going to work out and keep you laughing. Also, do what twins want you to do if they look scary and come at you from a cornfield.  I know what you’re thinking. I should probably start a “Life Advice” column to go with our weekly “Lineup Advice.”  You’re welcome.

With that, we begin this week’s Dynasty Aftermath.

Week Twelve Fantasy MVP

We’ve covered the amazing season Lamar Jackson is having, so we’ll move forward and focus on someone who is flying a little under the radar – Derrick Henry. While not the PPR asset some other running backs are, Henry is quietly posting a great season and that really showed this week as he recorded 159 rushing yards and two touchdowns. The Titans are hitting their stride with Ryan Tannehill at the helm (he could have easily won this award with 259 passing yards and four total touchdowns as well). While the Titans gave up on Marcus Mariota, they likely didn’t believe they had their trio of the future, but they just might with Henry, Tannehill and promising rookie receiver AJ Brown, who clearly looks like the Titans best receiver over Corey Davis at this point. The fans of this team were likely singing the song below all the way home – I just hope they had better sideburns.  I do, however, hope they grabbed that guy on the violin who looks like Geraldo Rivera (2:00 mark for that one).

Week Twelve Fantasy LVP

You didn’t figure Aaron Jones was going to have a great day against San Francisco, but 38 rushing yards and no catches simply sunk a ton of fantasy teams this week. Jones is a little touchdown dependent, but should bounce back soon. In short, I’m not that concerned. However, he broke many Achy Breaky Hearts on Sunday. On the plus side, be thankful you have better hair than anybody in this video. I played this stupid song 400 times when I worked at a roller skating rink and still hate it. I even hate Miley Cyrus because I feel like she exists and has become rich only because of this video.

Lineup Fun

The Unbeatable Lineup of the Week
You fell into a Burning Ring of Fire.  However, your ring of fire was made from somebody who likely smoked meth and started a YouTube channel. Wow, what happened below? It starts with vampire blood font and actually gets stranger.

QB Lamar Jackson BAL = 169 passing yards, 95 rushing yards, five touchdowns
RB Leonard Fournette JAX = 97 rushing yards, nine catches, 62 receiving yards, two touchdowns
RB The Dude CAR = 64 rushing yards, nine catches, 69 receiving yards, two touchdowns
RB Derrick Henry TEN = 159 rushing yards, one catch, 16 receiving yards, two touchdowns
WR Chris Godwin TB = Seven catches, 184 receiving yards, two touchdowns
WR Jarvis Landry CLE = Ten catches, 148 receiving yards, two touchdowns
WR DJ Moore CAR = Six catches, 126 receiving yards, two touchdowns
TE Zach Ertz PHI = 12 catches, 91 receiving yards, one touchdown

The Underdog Lineup of the Week
Way to hang in there, despite having a mullet and voting for Herbert Hoover with a futuristic leather jacket on.

QB Ryan Tannehill TEN = 259 passing yards, 40 rushing yards, four touchdowns
RB Jonathan Williams IND = 104 rushing yards, three catches, 17 receiving yards, one touchdown
RB Rashaad Penny SEA = 129 rushing yards, one touchdown
RB Jamaal Williams GB = 45 rushing yards, seven catches, 35 receiving yards
WR Allen Robinson CHI = Six catches, 131 receiving yards, one touchdown
WR AJ Brown TEN = Four catches, 135 receiving yards, one touchdown
WR James Washington PIT = Three catches, 98 receiving yards, one touchdown
TE Kaden Smith NYG  = Five catches, 17 receiving yards, one touchdown

The Disappointing Lineup of the Week
You’ve just got to know when to fold ’em.

QB Matt Ryan ATL = 271 passing yards, one interception
RB James White NE  = Five rushing yards, one catch, -6 receiving yards
RB Aaron Jones GB = 38 rushing yards
RB Todd Gurley LAR = 22 rushing yards, three catches, -3 receiving yards
WR Amari Cooper DAL = No catches
WR Emmanuel Sanders SF = One catch, 15 receiving yards
WR Courtland Sutton DEN = One catch, 27 receiving yards
TE Gerald Everett LAR = Two catches, 23 receiving yards

Gut Checks

I’d be worried if I didn’t find this little MNF gem pretty funny. Was ABC that hard up to get people to watch their sitcoms?

I’d be worried if I owned Chris Carson. That may be one fumble too many.

I’d be worried if I wasn’t thinking of buying low on Derrius Guice this off-seaosn.

I’d be worried if I didn’t respect what Frank Gore has done in his career. Not bad for a kid diagnosed with dyslexia.

I’d be worried if I was starting any Steelers running back with James Conner out.

I’d be worried if I had Julio Jones as my WR1. Things are just not clicking for some reason right now.

I’d be worried if I wasn’t noticing Zach Ertz’ return to form.

I’d be worried if I didn’t add Kelvin Harmon if he’s still somehow available.

I’d be worried if I didn’t notice Balky Batokomus and Cousin Larry in the above MNF video.  If you did, do the dance of joy!

I’d be worried if I was still holding on to Adrian Peterson.

I’d be worried if I owned Jared Goff. Franchises sink when they invest heavily on quarterbacks who don’t produce. The Rams have invested in Goff and Gurley both and it’s not looking good at the moment.

I’d be worried if I was ignoring the season DJ Moore is having.

I’d be worried if I wasn’t paying attention to Deebo Samuel.

I’d be worried if I owned Saquon Barkley. The Giants should just consider a shutdown to preserve his health.

I’d be worried if I was going up against either Bucs starting receiver. What would this look like with a competent quarterback?

I’d be worried if I owned Phillip Lindsay. He’s having a fine season, just not what we hoped after his rookie campaign.

I’d be worried if I owned Carson Wentz. He just looks off and is way too reliant on big plays, especially without healthy big play receivers.

I’d be worried if I thought Miami’s starting running back for 2020 was currently on the roster.

I’d be worried if I was expecting AJ Green to play this season.

I’d be worried if I thought DK Metcalf wasn’t going to always be prone to drops.

I’d be worried if I didn’t think Kareem Hunt could help a team this year and especially beyond.

I’d be worried if I owned Delanie Walker.

I’d be worried if I wasn’t targeting running backs who could potentially be starters for a team one day, like say, Alexander Mattison.

I’d be worried if I was relying on Gerald Everett in the stretch run. The Rams offense has just fallen off a cliff.

I’d be worried if I didn’t have Lamar Jackson or Patrick Mahomes as my QB1. They are true difference makers.

I’d be worried if I was ignoring the solid season from Leonard Fournette.

I’d be worried if I gave up on Anthony Miller.

I’d be worried if I owned Dwayne Haskins. I don’t think it’s out of the question the Redskins draft another quarterback.

I’d be worried if I owned Jordan Wilkins. He’s not a starting caliber running back.

I’d be worried if I was still starting David Montgomery.

I’d be worried if I didn’t fall into country music YouTube surfing wormholes.

Yee Haw!  We’ll see you next week…

ken kelly
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