Burning Questions: Week One

Jeff Miller


By the time you read this, the 2015 NFL season will be just about underway. If you made it this far without Jeff Janis, congratulations, you’re doing it right. Even if you did end up with The Great White Nope, all is not lost. In this week’s Burning Questions I’ll be addressing a handful of things you should be doing (trading Janis) as we transition from tweeting way too much about things that don’t matter (Janis) to actually setting lineups (without Janis) and stuff (mexican food).

Oh, and if you were wondering, I still haven’t gotten my shirt back.

I bought into the hype and traded for Janis/random young player now buried on the depth chart. What should I do?

I have very few entries in my personal rule book. But if you can get past the greasy fingerprints and drawings of Bill Belichick’s head on Snuffleupagus’ body, you will find a section entitled, “The Christine Michael Rule.” It reads as follows.

  • – If you find yourself with a player Football Twitter loves but the NFL hates, run away as though they were a burning building next to a gas station/popcorn kernel storage silo.
  • – The ideal period in which to run spans from when the offseason has reached peak ridiculousness to the end of September, when it finally sinks in that the player isn’t getting on the field.
  • – In general, you should not have acquired him in the first place, dummy.

Because dynasty owners are stubborn cusses, you still have a grace period to unload the Janis’ of the world at near full value. Do it now before it is too late.

Speaking of Christine Michael, is he finally going to be a stud in Dallas?

No franchise is perfect. It is entirely possible Seattle missed the boat on this one. It wouldn’t be the weirdest thing in NFL history if Michael became a sensation. That said, a team with a well-worn, advanced-age running back on a short term deal just gave away the youngster for what amounts to a bag of stale chips and two candy cigarettes. Oh, and they kept an undrafted free agent from Central Michigan (wherever that is) in his place.

If we ignore everything else we know about Michael (he is a physical marvel, but is inconsistent, can’t carry the ball in his left hand, has no history of production on the college or pro level, etc.) and just look at the above paragraph, warning bells should be ringing loudly.

The Seahawks are smarter than me and have way more information on Michael than I do, so I’ll just go ahead and roll with them on this one. So even if Dallas’ offensive line was made up of 23,000 pound robots being controlled remotely by Hugh Jackman and Dakota Goyo, I’m not sure I’d be a Michael buyer as anything more than a flier.

I am not sure if my roster is a contender or not. I really don’t want to stand pat and find out I’m a .500 team. What should I do?


The season is long. Lots of things can happen, good and bad. Don’t be the person who makes them happen before you know what you have for sure.

I speak from a place of experience on this, as I have a team in a new startup where I lost Jordy Nelson. Thankfully, wide receiver is my deepest position, helping me absorb the loss. The issue is none of my other players are Jordy, so no matter how you slice it, my team is worse today than it was the morning of August 23rd.

I looked at my roster and sent out some trade feelers to see about reloading for next year. Nothing grabbed me. My next step was to find out if I could make a deal to double down on this season. Again, I couldn’t find satisfying deal. After a couple days of feeling frustrated, the solution it finally hit me: Wait. Nothing that happens in the next six weeks is going to drastically change my ability to take either of these paths. So why push it now?

It is incredibly tempting to try and force change on a roster, but that can often end up with you making an ill-advised move you’re sure to regret 12 months down the road. Instead, take a deep breath, walk away, and give your squad a chance to show you if they are good enough to pass muster. Once armed with that knowledge, you can get to work in an effective manner.

What is the best fast food Mexican item in the history of the world?

I used to think it was a scrambler breakfast burrito from Taco John’s. If you’ve never been, immediately fly to the Midwest, find a TJ’s and eat there. Tell them Jeff sent you and you will get a free side of nacho cheese.* However, I was actually recently made aware of the weineto from Taco Time, a Northwestern fast food mexican eatery. The weineto isn’t found on the menu and you have to ask the Manager for it in order to even gain access to its goodness. There’s no secret handshake, but I’m confident it’s coming soon.  Again, it’s all very cloak and dagger, but when you receive the coveted hog dog, deep fried, filled with cheese and wrapped in a delicioso tortilla shell, you find yourself answering the question many of us have wondered for years, “What was really in that Pulp Fiction briefcase?”  Friends, it was a weineto.

*This probably isn’t true, but it is worth a try anyway.**

**It is definitely not worth a try.

If I have a tough lineup decision, how will I know what to do?

Every Sunday during the season my Twitter account turns into a veritable orgy of OMG WHO SHOULD I START PLS HELP!?!?!? I don’t mind answering start/sit tweets, as I’m grateful people think enough of me to want my opinion. The thing is, asking me isn’t the best solution. Neither is looking at weekly rankings or becoming a consensus taker.

If you want to make the best possible lineup decisions, simply do what you thing is right. At the end of the day, really close calls are nothing more than a coin flip anyway. There is so much beyond your control that affects the outcome, why let somebody else make the move for you? It is your roster, you have to live with it. Do whatever you feel is best and I promise you’ll be a happier fantasy owner.
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jeff miller