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DynastyMania

DLF is known across the industry for producing high quality, insightful articles intended to make dynasty league owners into champions. Whether it’s focusing on a sleepers, illustrating a duel between rookies, taking an in-depth look into an NFL team from a fantasy perspective, attempting to solve dilemmas, or producing high quality mock draft scenarios, we’re proud of the articles we’ve done to lend insight on how to build true fantasy football dynasties.

This ain’t one of ’em.

With Wrestlemania 28 on the schedule today, I’m feeling a little nostalgic.  You see, when I was eight years old, my Grandmother took me to the local High School to see “Portland Wrestling,” which was a semi-pro wrestling exhibition that eventually did produce some future WWF stars like “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka and the British Bulldogs. In the middle of the main event, Billy Jack Haynes was raked across the eyes and fell into the crowd.  As he came towards me, I looked up to see blood streaming out of his forehead. When I looked down, I saw a few drops on my Nike Air Flight Lites and my orange trapper keeper. Two things happened that day – I was totally grossed out and totally hooked.

My obsession with Professional Wrestling lasted a good ten years or so during the heyday of Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Ric Flair and the Ultimate Warrior, among others. In fact, one of the best memories I have of my late Father was going to Portland’s Memorial Coliseum with him to see Hogan take on King Kong Bundy. Treasure those memories with your Dads, gang.

So, what in the world is a post like this doing on DLF, you ask?

When you’re in a dynasty league for a long, long time, you need to stop and get nostalgic when it comes to history. So often, owners simply look ahead at next year without looking back to enjoy the past. Dynasty leagues are fun and you need to keep that in perspective or you’re just going to burn out – I’m a victim of this myself. Trust me, I’ve won six titles in nine years in my main dynasty league and I spend more nights being upset about those that got away than the six I actually won.

In this article, we take a look at some historical figures in professional wrestling and compare them to some our beloved stars, both former and current in fantasy football in an effort to truly enjoy the hobby that many of us make our new “adulthood fake entertainment” obsession. We even threw in a few matches we’d like to see just for fun, but we’ll start with the athlete comparisons.

Andre the Giant and Christian Okoye

Andre the Giant was one of the most polarizing figures in the history of wrestling. Standing at 7’4″, weighing over 500 pounds and hailing from Grenoble in the French Alps, Andre was undefeated for most of his professional career, until being body slammed, leg dropped and pinned by Hulk Hogan in what many call the greatest Wrestlemania Main Event of all time.

I remember a story once about Andre the Giant being taken to a bar after one of the events by some of his fellow wrestlers (sorry to spoil it if you thought they were all mortal enemies).  Andre was dared to drink as many pitchers of beer as he could.  The wrestlers ran out of money after he had downed his 16th, so they walked back to the hotel.

Andre carried one of them.

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The best comparison I could think of to the Giant was former running back Christian Okoye of the Kansas City Chiefs. Okoye was known as the Nigerian Nightmare and at 6’1″ and 253 pounds, he was one of the best bruisers in the history of the league. Unfortunately, his career, much like Andre’s, lasted much shorter than it should have. His highlight came in 1989 when he ran for 1,480 yards and 12 scores, hammering linebackers and defensive backs along the way.

Bobby “the Brain” Heenan and Jerry Jones

Heenan was one of the truly great Managers in the history of wrestling. He was known best for finding ways to bite off a little more than he could chew and getting a little too close to his wrestler’s business. At one point, Heenan was so aggressive in his arrogance that he was forced into the ring to wrestle.

While nobody is ever going to get Jerry Jones on the football field, they do have some similarities and every time I see Jerry on the field with the coaches or being filmed on YouTube talking about his players, I just wonder if some lesson about distance wouldn’t be a good thing for him.

George “The Animal” Steele and Brandon Marshall

The Animal was known for his strange behavior and turnbuckle eating. He’d be seemingly normal one moment, then throwing up green stuff from a turnbuckle the next, all while running around like a rabid monkey on meth.

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While Brandon Marshall has never been known for eating turnbuckles, his erratic behavior still leaves a lot to be desired. When the Dolphins ship you away for two 3rd draft picks, then later say they were even willing to cut you, it’s an indictment on your instability.

When asked which of these two athletes once claimed to slip and get seriously injured on a McDonald’s bag, you’d think it was Steele.  Nope.

Animal from the Road Warriors and James Laurinaitis

Hmm.  Something just seems so familiar…

“The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase and Dan Snyder

Ted DiBiase attempted to buy a championship during his tenure in professional wrestling. He tossed around money like it was nothing and even cohersed Andre the Giant to give him the championship at one point, only to see the Commissioner take it back because he didn’t actually earn it. In the end, DiBiase and his millions failed to get him what he wanted most.

In Washington, Daniel Snyder has spent a lot of money on big time free agents and seen many of them flame out pretty quickly. It seems no matter how hard he tries or how much money he spends, the Redskins just can’t get over the hump – perhaps RGIII will get them there one day so he won’t find the same fate as “The Million Dollar Man.”

The Nature Boy Ric Flair and Brett Favre

Just when you think it’s over, they keep coming back!

Flair has had an incredibly difficult time in actually retiring from professional wrestling and holds virtually every record, including being a 21-time world champion. His trademark, “Wooooooo” can still be heard at recent WWE events. He’s been wrestling professionally since 1972 and still makes appearances today.

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Kind of reminds you of someone else who wasn’t able to just hang it up, eh?

Brett Favre seems to be finally done with football after 20 seasons in the NFL, but would it surprise anyone to see him jump off a tractor in Mississippi, grab a camera and say, “Brett Favre is back. Wooooooooooo!”

Randy “Macho Man” Savage and Curtis Martin

On paper, it seems like an odd couple, but it’s really not. Both Savage and Martin are unappreciated within their professions. Savage was an absolute showman and helped raise the WWE to what it is today. Without Savage, the entertainment factor of wrestling today would have likely never evolved.

With Martin, many fantasy owners just don’t appreciate what he did. Simply put, you have to be pretty special to start your career with ten straight 1,000 yard seasons. While Martin was often viewed simply as a RB2, he was a key player in countless dynasty championships over the span of a decade.

It’s great to see Martin finally receive his due and be inducted into the Hall of Fame. Unfortunately, Savage won’t be able to see himself enshrined in the WWE Hall of Fame as an auto accident claimed his life last year.  Still, when we think of Savage, we all say “OHHHHHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEAH!”

Rest in peace Macho Man!

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Hulk Hogan and LaDainian Tomlinson

Many credit Hulk Hogan for creating professional wrestling into a worldwide entertainment industry and it’s simply hard to argue that. His presence was a constant from 1984 all the way up into the turn of the century.

On the same token, LaDainian Tomlinson helped make fantasy football into what it is today. His first eight years in the league produced 11,760 yards and 126 touchdowns, launching fantasy football even higher into the stratosphere.

The Ultimate Warrior and Priest Holmes

When The Ultimate Warrior arrived in the WWF, he captivated a fan base immediately with his quick matches and unstable behavior. Unfortunately, his career was incredibly short, but still remembered as one of the best.

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Such is the case of Priest Holmes as well, who in a three year span in Kansas City, produced 4,590 yards and 56 touchdowns as the best player in the game.

While both of these individuals had very short bursts of greatness, they’ll both be remembered as historical figures in their respective entertainment ventures.

So, now to the fun part.

What if you could get two of your favorite NFL figures into the ring for the Main Event for DynastyMania?  I have a card I’d like to see!  Here’s how it would go:

Tim Tebow vs. John Elway

After Tebow’s handshake is rebuffed, Tebow goes to the mat and let’s John win, saying it’s just the right thing to do.

Jonathan Stewart vs. DeAngelo Williams

One of us has to go, so let’s decide it in a cage!

Chad Ochocinco vs. Anyone

“C’mon, doesn’t anyone want to fight me any more?  What’s going on. Oh no.  I’m IRRELEVANT!?!”

Mark Sanchez vs. Santonio Holmes

Two will enter.  One will leave.

Calvin Johnson vs. every Defensive Back in the NFC

Put them all in the ring for a Battle Royal and Megatron will still win.

DYNASTYMANIA MAIN EVENT

Rex Ryan vs. Bill Belichick

Ryan would certainly have the size advantage, but wouldn’t you see Belichick as the bad guy here? Ryan would slam him to the ground and play to the crowd (he does like attention you know), then turn to Belichick, only to get hit with some brass knuckles that Bill had hidden in his trunks. Belichick pins him with his feet on the ropes for extra leverage.  Pats win again!

In the end, we all have to enjoy this crazy obsession of dynasty fantasy football. Players come and go too quickly and sometimes we just have to stop and enjoy greatness. Enjoy your Sunday and thanks for supporting DLF!

May Andre and Randy rest in peace.  Wooooooooo!

 

Ken Kelly
Latest posts by Ken Kelly (see all)
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10 years ago

great article….funny stuff. love the bobby the brain heenan and jerry jones.

Coach
10 years ago

Dibiase and dan snyder is a good one!

I disagree on Hogan/Tomlinson though. Hogan is more the Jerry Rice or Emmitt Smith!

i loved me some Macho Man Savage and Curtis Martin. (still think jerome bettis should be in the HOF first but whatever)

DLF_KenK
Reply to  Coach
10 years ago

So funny. I almost made that Rice instead, but our demographic knows Tomlinson even better. We’re all getting old!

Bigcsr67
10 years ago

Very nice work. I loved the Star Wars article from a ways back too… BTW, what article category is this in, because I enjoy these the most, since you guys have the poll up about, “what article do you enjoy the most”. Oooooooooooh yeaaaaaaaah!

DLF_KenK
Reply to  Bigcsr67
10 years ago

Thanks for the props! This category for this would be “we posted 27 articles in a single month and wanted to have some fun.”

Figured people would love it or hate it…

wadski
10 years ago

Great Article! I loved the WWF and love Dynasty…amazing! I have moved onto the UFC to replace the WWF in my heart.

tebow
10 years ago

nothing had a bigger impact on a young boy in the mid 80’s to the early 90’s like the wwf. those heros were bigger than life and have a life long lasting impact on my life! i hope j-stew gives the flying elbow drop to williams this year!

Chris R
10 years ago

Awesome!!! Thanks for bringing back some good memories. Glad you got to enjoy that with you dad.

I completely agree about focusing on the wins that got away. That is something I think about during each weekly matchup. If I win, good, I was supposed to win (even if I only won because of a great call to start a sleeper)…on to focusing on the next win.

If I lose…the agony…why did I not start that guy when my gut kept telling me to!

Chris R
10 years ago

Capt Lou…will another human being ever put rubber bands in his beard???

Remember the Saturday Morning Cartoon?

I live in Tampa/Clearwater and we’ve got quite a few retired WWF originals in the area. Hulk Hogan and his family being the most famous. The Nasty Boys were in a Man V Food Nation competition last season at a local restaurant.

4 years ago

It’s fantastic that you are getting thoughts from this paragraph as well as from our argument made at
this time.

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